Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island - Wikiquote (2024)

Seasons: 1: Island 2: Action 3: World Tour 4: Revenge of the Island 5: All-Stars and Pahkitew Island | 6: Island (2023) | Main | Spin-offs: The Ridonculous Race / DramaRama

Total Drama All-Stars and Pahkitew Island are the two parts with 13-episode segments that both make up the fifth season of Total Drama.


  • 1 Total Drama All-Stars
    • 1.1 Heroes vs Villains [5.01]
    • 1.2 Evil Dread [5.02]
    • 1.3 Saving Private Leechball [5.03]
    • 1.4 Food Fright [5.04]
    • 1.5 Moon Madness [5.05]
    • 1.6 No One Eggspects to the Spanish Opposition [5.06]
    • 1.7 Suckers Punched [5.07]
    • 1.8 You Regatta Be Kidding Me [5.08]
    • 1.9 Zeek and Ye Shall Find [5.09]
    • 1.10 The Obsta-Kill Course [5.10]
    • 1.11 Sundae Muddy Sundae [5.11]
    • 1.12 The Bold and the Booty-ful [5.12]
    • 1.13 The Final Wreck-Ening [5.13]
  • 2 Total Drama Pahkitew Island
    • 2.1 So, Uh… This Is My Team? [6.1]
    • 2.2 I Love You, Grease Pig! [6.2]
    • 2.3 Twinning Isn't Everything [6.3]
    • 2.4 I Love You, I Love You Knots [6.4]
    • 2.5 A Blast From the Past [6.5]
    • 2.6 Mo' Monkey, Mo' Problems [6.6]
    • 2.7 This Is The Pits! [6.7]
    • 2.8 Three Zones and a Baby [6.8]
    • 2.9 Hurl and Go Seek [6.9]
    • 2.10 Scarlett Fever [6.10]
    • 2.11 Sky Fall [6.11]
    • 2.12 Pahk'd with Talent [6.12]
    • 2.13 Lies, Cries and One Big Prize [6.13]
  • 3 External links

Total Drama All-Stars


Heroes vs Villains [5.01]


[Chef is visiting Chris in prison with his contract, walking with a prison guard]
Chris: [off-screen] The Crusty co*ckroaches have a big lead over the Soiled Stake Bombs!
Killer: [off-screen] Cram it, McLean! [laughs evilly]
Chris: [in his prison cell after last season's finale] Ooh, Lightning slips past Duncan! The heat is on! Yeah, look at that, that's what I'm talking about! [a shadow figure of Chef is on the floor] Well, well, well, look who finally came to visit me after a whole year.
Chef: Come on, you finish your sentence for dumping toxic waste.
Chris: Whatever, think I'll stay right here, got everything I need, including Chef 2.0. [shows "him" off] I made him from a cashew! [his contract is handed by Chef] What's this?
Chef: Your contract, the producers have green lit another season, so you in?
Chris: It is on! [his teeth shines]
Chris: Welcome to Total Drama All-Stars. After my involuntary yearlong "vacation", I really need to be in a familiar environment, surrounded by the people I love hurt. [evil laugh] It's a condition of my parole. Except for the hurt part, heh, that's all McLean! [strolls down to the edge of the dock, where Alejandro, still encased in his robot suit following his injuries in the "World Tour" finale, is waiting, along with a familiar briefcase] So, I'm bringing back 14 TD all-stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death-defying, $1,000,000 competition, ever! [Alejandro the robot holds up the open case, where the wind blows a few bills away. Chris then addresses an incoming helicopter] and here they are now! From Revenge of the Island, Say hello to... [The door to the chopper reveals an apprehensive looking Mike] Multiple Mike! [A hand shoves Mike off the chopper] AKA, Chester, [Mike gasps, switching personalities] Svetlana, [he gasps, switching personalities again] Vito, [His hair slicks back and his eyes narrow] and Manitoba. [Mike seemingly reverts to normal, though Manitoba's scream of “Crikey!” gives him away. He splashes into the water] Mike's crush, pushover turned powerhouse, Zoey!
Zoey: [gasps] Mike! [dives]
Chris: Athletic non-supporter, Lightning!
Lightning: You call that a dive? Watch this! [prepares to dive] SHA- [groans as he gets booted off by Chef’s foot]
Chris: Bubble-boy brainiac, Cameron! [Chef holds Cameron by his hoodie]
Cameron: This is highly illogical! [Chef tosses Cameron out the door]
Chris: Gregarious mutant lover gamer, Sam! [Chef holds Sam's sweater]
Sam: Not cool! [Chef drops Sam]
Chris: Challenge throwing dirt farmer, Scott! [Scott (who is out of the Trauma Chair) holds to Chef’s leg until Chef throws him out. Chef walks back and grabs Jo] Bossy bruiser, Jo, who dominated until her underling turned on her.
[Jo resists Chef shoving her out, and shoves him back]
Jo: You're a dead man, McLean! [Chef body-slams her off the copter]
Chris: [chuckles] And now, from our original cast… Cranky know-it-all CIT, Courtney! [Chef walks out, carrying Courtney by the ankle]
Courtney: This is not in my contract! [Chef lets go of her]
Chris: Courtney's bestie turned boyfriend stealer, Gwen! [Chef carries Gwen over his shoulders, tosses her down too]
Gwen: [free-falling] He wasn't her boyfriend at the time!
Chris: Broody bad boy, Duncan!
Duncan: [free-falling, not even looking like he cares] Bring it on!
Chris: Devious diva, Heather!
Heather: [free-falling] I hate Chris!
Chris: Loveable lamebrain, Lindsay!
Lindsay: [free-falling, flapping her arms] I'm flying! [stops flapping and screams]
Chris: Super fan, Sierra! Total Drama's #1 stalker-- uh.. blogger!
Sierra: [with her hair slightly growing back] FOR CODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [cannonballs, sending the other contestants scattering, and causing a slightly less massive splash]
Chris: [with a more malicious grin] And feral freakshow, Ezekiel!
[Chef drops a feral Ezekiel by his hoodie]
Contestants: What the Freak?!
[a feral Ezekiel plummets, but is then grabbed by Alejandro's plunger]
Chris: [laughing] Kidding! [Alejandro retracts the plunger] No way is that guy coming back again. [snaps his fingers, causing Alejandro to fire off the plunger like it was a bazooka, as a feral Ezekiel screams and he is rocketed to the other side of the island] Man, It's great to be back.
Chris: Heather, Duncan, Lightning, Jo, Scott and Gwen, from now on, you're the Villainous Vultures.
Lightning: Sha-team!
Gwen: [shocked] What?! Why am I on the villains team?
Courtney: (to Gwen) Because you stole my boyfriend and became to the new Heather.
Chris: Yeah, what she said.
Gwen: But I've done so many good things. I'm not a villain. I'm nice.
Duncan: Being bad is cool and now we're on the same team, so that's good right?
Gwen: [dismayed] I guess.
Duncan: [Confessional] Oh, man, I only came back for Gwen! She better not sulk the whole time, or I may as well be dating Courtney.
Chris: Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Sam, Courtney, Lindsay, and Sierra, you're the Heroic Hamsters!
Courtney: Excuse me, how are hamsters heroic?
Chris: It was that, or the "Heroic Hippos."
Courtney: Hamsters it is.
Jo: Wait a minute, they have 7 people to our 6! No fair!
Chris: I needed the seat on the plane for that Ezekiel prank! [Jo glares at him] Fine, you can have the robot. [Pushes a button on the remote, sending Alejandro the robot wheeling and beeping over to the villains]
Scott: I thought your robot could talk.
Chris: [shrugged] Meh, the communications chip cracked while I was in the hooskow.
Lindsay: Was that English?
Heather: [to Alejandro who's inside the robot] Keep your distance, toaster. [Confessional; shudders in disgust] There is something about that robot which I don't like.
Heather: [to Alejandro the robot] Uh! I said keep away from me!
Sam: [walking alongside Sierra] So, Sierra, what brought you back?
Sierra: I wanna win for Cody. We would have won last time, if I didn't accidentally blow up the plane... [rubs her arm sheepishly]
Sam: [awkwardly] Oh yeah… well your hair grew back nicely.
Sierra: Thanks! It's tough to be apart from my man, but it's too dangerous for him here! [confidently] And I'm sure I can handle it long enough to win the million! [in the confessional trying not to sob] I miss my Cody-bear... [she puts her head in her hands] So much!
Heather: [pushing Jo back] Excuse me!
Jo: Uh, watch it, old Heather.
Heather: You watch it, Newbie.
Gwen: Guys, just because Chris labeled us 'villains' doesn't mean we have to act like villains. We're a team. We should work together as a team!
[The villain members agree in not believing Gwen]
Heather: [Confessional] No way is that going happen. I, ''Jo: (Confessional) Don't Trust Duncan (Confessional) Anyone Scott :(Confessional) On This Lighting: (Confessional) Team
Gwen: [Confessional] Huh. I think that went well.
[The vulture villains laugh wickedly evilly at Gwen]
Gwen: But, Jo, wouldn’t you make a better diver since you’re so athletic?
Jo: Nobody tells me what to do, Goth-ball. And don’t even try to kiss me!
Gwen: [shocked gasp] What?! [Confessional] After 3 seasons of kindness, I’m reduced to evil kisser status?! For the last time, Duncan and Courtney were over before he and I started. You can’t steal a boyfriend if the boy is free!
[Courtney looks and glares at Gwen]
Gwen: Ugh, Courtney keeps glaring at me like she's trying to set me on fire.
Duncan: I'll give her a glare back. [he glares at Courtney but she closes her eyes and turns away from him and crosses her arms] uh, hello, Courtney? Hey!
Lindsay: Psst, I think Duncan wants you to yell at him, you know for old times sake.
Courtney: What's the point, he never listens, besides it's over between us, he's a bad boy I knew it couldn't last forever, but Gwen, I thought we were friends [sighs] last time I make that mistake.
Lindsay: [gasps as she stops at Courtney] You know how to stop making mistakes? Teach me!
[The other contestants arrived at the top of the cliff. Scott, Mike and Zoey look down and sees Fang waiting down below.]
Scott: Ahh!
All: Fang!
Gwen: Who?
Courtney: Go, go, go!
Lindsay: [looks confused] Which way is the hotel again?
Courtney: Ugh, never mind, I'll do it!
Chris: [arrives] No, No, No, No, No, gotta stick to your designated driver.
Courtney: Fine, ugh, just push!
Lindsay: Okay, how do you push again?
[Courtney screams in frustration; getting her nerves from Lindsay's stupidity]
Lindsay: [Confessional] I wanna win the million, so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip-gloss. But, I forgot how hard this is! Never thought I say this, but, no lip-gloss is worth this!
[when Lightning pulls Scott off the rock he was clinging to, they accidentally knock Alejandro the robot off the edge of the cliff, which then falls into the lake]
Heather: [smirking] So long and good riddance. [Alejandro the robot lands at the bottom of the lake, where the sharks proceed to attack him; however, Alejandro the robot explodes and frees him, much to everyone's surprise, especially Heather] You have got to be kidding me!!
Alejandro: [confessional; after being inside the robot suit from his lava injury] Last thing I remember, I was burn to a crisp by the volcano and Chris sealed me up in that robot suit to heal. It feels so good to be free after all this time. I must thank Scott for his cowardice. [when he returns to the game, he lands on the beach, catches the key until his legs fall asleep, and heads in the confessional again] I was stuck in that robot suit for a year! My legs are so asleep, it looks like they're in a coma! WAKEY! WAKEY! Nothing!
[Zoey and Lindsay are near the spa hotel]
Zoey: Wrong key, so much for a lead.
[Alejandro and Jo arrive at the hotel]
Lindsay: [gasps when Alejandro shows up] Alejandro?! When did you get here?
Alejandro: [returns to the game after being out of the robot suit] Silly Lindsay! I was here the whole time! [he uses the right key to open the door] Ta-Da!
Jo: Ta-Da!
Chris: The door is open, the vultures win!
[Lindsay and Zoey groan]
[At the elimination ceremony]
Chris: Welcome to our first elimination ceremony! How do you like the new Peanut Gallery? Huh. Now, opponents can watch someone give them the boot, before they head to the Spa Hotel for a deluxe dinner.
[The Villain Vultures cheer for their victory reward]
Gwen: [Comes over to Courtney] Hey. Even though I technically didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry about the way the whole Duncan thing went down. But, [Hands out flowers] Here. I pick these just for you. [Courtney sneezes] Oh no! You're allergic?!
Courtney: Told you you were a villain. [sneezes again]
[Lindsay got herself eliminated because her ineptitude played a part in costing her team the challenge]
Chris: Following people are safe. Cameron, Sierra, Zoey, Mike, and Sam. Lindsay, you're on the chopping block for your terrible driving skills [Lindsay is shocked] Courtney, you're on the chopping block for making Lindsay drive.
Lindsay: Yeah, what's the matter with you?
Chris: And the loser is...[pause]...Lindsay!
[Courtney catches the marshmallow]
Lindsay: [After she got eliminated] Thank goodness! Wait. Do I have to ride that scary catapult thing?
Chris: Nope, this year we've got a new elimination device. [The screen flips to Lindsay in a giant toilet] Behold, the Flush of Shame! patent-pending.
[The Heroic Hamsters except for Sierra are disgusted by the new elimination device]
Mike: Gross!
Courtney: Ew!
Zoey: Yikes!
[Sierra takes a picture of the Flush of Shame]
Lindsay: Well, see you guys, it's been...
[Chris touches the button to activate the Flush of Shame; Lindsay spins around and disappears and then, water came up and everyone got soaked.]
Courtney: Gross!
Mike: Ew, ew, ew!
[Exclusive clip: Lindsay's Flush of Shame in New York; Fade into a sewer, where the giant albino alligator is lying on his belly below a drain. Suddenly a splash of water comes from above, and Lindsay falls through and lands right on top of the gator’s head]
Lindsay: Wow, where do you get that amazing alligator coat?
[The gator roars and Lindsay falls forward into the water. The gator snaps its jaw and Lindsay runs away; the gator crawls after her]
Lindsay: WHat The Freak!!!!!

Evil Dread [5.02]


Mike: [as Chester] There's a storm 'a coming dagnabbit! [then Svetlana] I'm scared! After all zese years, he's going to return! [then Vito] Ayo, how we gonna stop this goombah? [then Manitoba] Hush it, mates. Mike is waking up! [Wakes up as his normal self, looks around] Uh… huh, wuzzat? You guys say something?
[Sierra takes a picture of Courtney sleeping, thus waking her.]
Courtney: Gah. What the heck?!
Zoey: [wakes up] Courtney! What's wrong?
Courtney: What's wrong is that we're sharing a cabin with a super fan with a bad case of crazy.
Sierra: [giggles] Hey Courtney. I've updated the sleeping section of your picture gallery on my fan site. Whee! [confessional] I hate to break Chris's rules about smuggling in special items like my cell phone; [proudly shoves her phone into the camera, the background being a photo of Cody in the shower, terrified and holding a towel to himself] -But I have to keep my TD blogs current! [Starts typing] “Zoey's even sweeter than she is on TV. Courtney is even..." [Pauses and looks at the camera] "Courtney-er than ever!" [She finishes typing] It's better this way; last time I had a teensy bit of a problem with Internet withdrawal. Without this link to Cody-Wody, I'd probably lose my mind! [confessional off, caressing her phone as Courtney and Zoey look confused] Oh Internet, never leave me!
Chef: [from outside] Room service, suckas! [tosses another bucket of gruel through the door, Zoey and Courtney scream out as it covers them]
Courtney: [offscreen] What's wrong with you?
Chef: [peeks his head through the door] Heeeere's breakfast! [chuckles as he scoots away]
Sierra: [grinning and waving] Thank you, Chef!
Courtney: [swipping the gruel of her face] We've GOT to win the next challenge and get into that spa hotel!
[Sierra picks up the gruel from the floor and eats it loudly]
Sierra: True love sure does build an appetite.
[Cut to the Spa hotel, we cut inside to a fancy looking dining room with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, Gwen is sitting on one end with a plate of pancakes, and Scott at the other end with a plate full of sausages. The butler lays down a plate of pancakes next to Scott’s seat]
Scott: Oh I am digging this. I can't wait to be a millionare. I got up at 5:00 AM this morning to watch the releasing of the doves, and I'm just gonna say it, [tearfully] it was beautiful [blows his nose into a napkin, Duncan sits down next to Scott]
Duncan: Yeah, this is the life! [Scott grabs the plate of sausages and starts chowing it down without utensils] And if we keep winning challenges, we can live like this all season! [Raises glass, Scott does the same] To villainy! [They clink their glasses]
Gwen: [moping] Yeah, villainy...
Duncan: [smirking] 'Sup with you, dull-face?
Gwen: [Looks up, stuttering] Wha-oh, uh, nothing, just, uh, y'know, wondering how Lightning's doing on Boney Island?
[Cut to Boney Island with stormy skies, lightning crackling up above. Lightning is crouching on a rock and clutching a stick, determinedly scanning the water below him. A catfish swims by Lightning's rock, and he swings his stick into the water, sending the fish flying out of the water and landing on the beach]
Lightning: Ha, fish, you've been struck by Lightning! [One of the monster geese that inhabit Boney Island flies by, grabbing the fish in its mouth] Oh no you don't [leaps off the rock and grabs the other end of the fish, playing tug of war with the goose, the goose pulls him off camera. A bunch of punching and painful squawks are heard. Lightning walks back on screen carrying the battered dead catfish in his hand, victorious] WHOO! [Eats the fish in one bite. Then his stomach gurgles] Sha-dang, this fishy is swimming back upstream! [His cheeks bulge and he runs behind a rock to puke]
[Cut back to the hotel, Jo is now sitting beside Duncan. The butler lays a plate of steaks in front of Jo]
Jo: I just hope Lightning doesn't find the invincibility statue. If we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong to beat later.
Scott: So, maybe we should do this right away. Throw the next challenge.
Jo: Pfft! And give up all this?! No way!
Scott: True enough! This is sweet! You know what I slept on last night? A pillow, filled with feathers! Back on the farm, it's a burlap sack filled with small animals. You ever had a pillow bite your face?
Jo: I'd like to enjoy my breakfast now, and that will require you to stop talking.
[Alejandro where he gets his legs massaged by an intern after being stuck inside the robot suit from his lava injury while Heather sits on a chair watching]
Heather: Quit hogging the masseuse!
Alejandro: [sighs] I'm sure her hands are magical, if only I could feel them.
Heather: Seriously? Your legs are still asleep?
Alejandro: [raises his head revealing two strips of wax on his eyebrows] I don't know if they'll ever wake up. I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire year. Which you'd have known, had you ever texted?!
Heather: It's not like you ever texted me. [Notices the wax strips on Alejandro's eyebrows] Are you getting your eyebrows waxed? Wow.
Alejandro: They call it "manscaping," because it is very manly. And I didn't text you BECAUSE I WAS TRAPPED IN A ROBOT SUIT!
Heather: Well, whatever. [yanks off a wax strip off Alejandro's eyebrow causing him to scream in pain; Confessional] Please. This "my legs don't work" thing is obviously bogus. He just wants sympathy. But news flash I am not falling for him! It! Not falling for it.
Alejandro: [Confessional] I've never found Heather to be more radiant. Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me. [short pause] Keep in mind, I was in a robot suit for a year.
Scott: [nudging Lightning] Any luck finding the invincibility statue?
Lighting: No need. I am an invincibility statue!
Alejandro: [Confessional] He is so arrogant! I might understand it if he had this face, but he does not have this face.
Lightning: [Confessional] "Arrogant?!" Be fair now, look at me. Sha-yeah!
Zoey: [to the huddle of Heroic Hamsters] We should divide our area into sections and each dig in one!
Courtney: No, let's separate the beach into quadrants and each pick a quadrant!
Cameron: [confused] That's exactly what Zoey said.
Courtney: [annoyed] Then...Good! We'll use the plan that Zoey and I came up with!
Zoey: Go team! [puts her hands in the center of the hundle]
Mike, Cameron, and Sierra: GO TEAM! [puts their hands in the center]
Courtney: [groans, then puts her hand in the center] Yeah yeah yeah, can we start digging now? [Confessional] What's with the loving? Hello? It's called Total Drama, not Total Friendship.
Lightning: [Confessional] Sometimes when my tummy's empty, my mind ain't full. Stupid Boney Island fish! [Gags]
Gwen: [Confessional] Ugh! I can't believe Lightning made it to last season's finale. Does he ever sha-shut up?!
Lightning: [Confessional, pukes in the toilet]
Jo: [holding up her shovel] Attention team! I am your leader!
Heather: No, I am! [jams her shovel back into the sand, a small clang is heard] I found a piece! [she digs it out, revealing a black statue base. Heather picks it up and starts carrying it towards the platform]
Jo: [runs over to Heather, grabs the other end of the piece] You'd never have found it without me!
[they tug at it until they accidentally drop it on Jo’s foot, she screams]
Heather: [smirking] Oops, sorry. [Jo pushes Heather into the moat; crabs swarm her]
Chris: [whispering] An hour has passed and the teams are still tied at one all. Which raises a pertinent question. [shouts] WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG!?!
[the contestants heard Chris' shouts and they began talking at once]
Lightning: I'm amazing.
Chris: Blah, blah, blah, whine, whine. Hurry up! I have dinner plans!
[Zoom in to the inside of Manitoba/Mike's mind. Inside reveals a small room made out of pink brain matter, with a large picture of Mike adorning a wall, and a table where Vito, Chester, and Svetlana are playing cards]
Svetlana: [tossing her cards down] Go vith the fishing!
Vito: Ayo, it's go fish, not 'fishing'!
[suddenly, Manitoba falls from the ceiling]
Chester: Oh, that can’t be good.
Manitoba Smith: [getting up] Hey, do you feel that? The malevolent one, he's coming!
[Svetlana shrieks in terror; the other personalities turn to the portrait of Mike burned into a picture of Mal in a silhouette]
Sam: Ow! Jellyfish! It stung my butt! Ow!
[Everyone laughs at Sam's misfortune, especially Mike]
Zoey: How can you laugh?
Mike: Cuz, the only cure for a jellyfish sting is to pee on it.
[Sam screams and jumps in the water and pees on the jellyfish underwater; sighs]
Zoey: Ew.
Sam: [Confessional] Well, no one else was gonna pee on me. [chuckles] Huh, that is a weird sentence.
Cameron: A book, a crown, what the heck are we supposed to be building? [Gets an idea] Wait, I got it! These pieces make the "Statue of Liberty"!
Lightning: [Holding a piece] That's seven! Let's start sha-building!
[He runs to the platform and jumps, everyone follows, Alejandro uses his body for a bridge and everyone else gets on the platform]
Jo: Coming through!
Scott: Whoo-hoo!
Gwen: Sorry, Alejandro.
Heather: Keep still!
Duncan: Thanks, buddy! [Laughs]
[Alejandro sighs in sadness and gets his nose pinched by a crab]
Heather: C'mon, people! Put this thing together already!
Alejandro: Try those two together. No! Those two!
Lightning: Lightning finds the final piece! I'm a hero! It's probably a statue of me! Bein' me!
Gwen: It's tall whatever it is, and boxy, like a tower. Oh, Big Ben!
Zoey: 1 piece to go! It has to be in Sam's quadrant!
Sam: [Moving weakly] Sorry, guys, I'm moving as fast as I can! [Lies down]
Cameron: All we need is the torch! Hurry!
Heather: What's with the big hole?
Gwen: Maybe we put it together wrong.
Lightning: [holding a crab] Oh, come on! Just get it sha-done! [Puts a crab on the Big Ben, But the crab's claws causes it to collapse, Everyone looks at Lightning at a furious way while the crab crawl away]
Jo: Ugh! Way to go, liability!
Lightning: Hey, it's not my fault you put it together wrong!
Alejandro: We didn't put it together wrong! There were only six pieces!
[Lightning is shocked]
Jo: Great! So Lightning miscounted! Come on, everyone! We still got digging to do!
[Everyone follows]
Lightning: I counted seven! This is a conspiracy!
Chris: The Heroic Hamsters win!
[The Villainous Vultures groan, while the Heroic Hamsters cheer.]
Courtney and Sierra: Spa Hotel! Spa Hotel! [Sierra lifts Cameron up like a doll]
Chris: [clears his throat] I do require a volunteer for exile duty!
Sam: This one's on me guys, to make up for my lack of digging skills and...Whoa! [Chef grabs him by the collar and drags him to the boat of losers which sends him off]
[Sam volunteers for exile to Boney Island and the Heroic Hamsters head for the spa hotel]
Gwen: [Courtney stops and glares at her] Hey, Courtney. [walking up to Courtney, apologetically] I just wanna say congrats on a...[Before she can finish, steps on another hidden booby trap, a spring shoots up launching a garbage bag flying up into the air] Whoa!
[Gwen quickly slams her shovel into the garbage bag, sending it flying into Courtney and she gasped in shock]
Courtney: [Her head was covered of stinky garbage, coughs in disgusted] ...Ew... [Coughing in disgust]
[Chris claps sarcastically]
Gwen: [Courtney walks away angrily glaring at her, She walking after her panicking] That was an accident! I...
Chris: Gwen, Gwen, Gwen. So evil. You are definitely on the right team!
[Gwen hangs her head, defeated]
[Lightning got eliminated because he miscounted the amount of puzzle pieces his team collected which contributed to his team's loss]
Chris: The following players are safe for another day. Duncan, Gwen, Scott, Alejandro, and Heather. Lightning, you're on the chopping block for your crummy math skills and incessant bicep kissing.
Lightning: If they were yours, you'd do it too! [kisses his biceps]
Chris: And Jo, you're on the block for your annoyingly pushy campaign to send Lightning home.
Lightning: [glares at Jo, as she smirks] You did, what?!
Chris: And tonight's loser is… Lightning!
Lightning: [shocked] Sha-What?! [scene dissolves to him in the Flush Of Shame] Tossing away your strongest team member?! You're gonna regret this, especially you, Jo! You're a total- [Chris presses the remote button and Lightning gets flushed] Sha-AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!
[Exclusive clip: Lightning's Flush of Shame in Paris; Fade into underwater near a drainpipe; Lightning floats out of the pipe, and straight to the surface, right in front of a mime feeling around an imaginary wall]
Lightning: [Gasps for air] Not cool! [Notices the mime] what the-?! [Zoom out to reveal the Eiffel Tower] The Eiffel Tower? Whoa! I must be in Germany! [Looks to the mime] What’s up, German clown? [The mime points nervously off-screen, and then motions as if something is coming. The mime then stands on his foot, making a swimming motion] Oh, you want me to show you my muscles? Stand back, [Poses] ‘cus here comes the gun show!
[Suddenly a swan boat, carrying Blainely and Bruno the bear, zooms forward, dragging Lightning with it]
Mime: [Annoyed with a French accent] imbecile. [Walks away]

Saving Private Leechball [5.03]


Duncan: Ugh, I've almost forgotten about these crud-tacular cabins.
Alejandro: (sighs) Let us hope it is our only visit.
Scott: [leans back, hitting his head on the hard pillow] Ow! I miss the hotel. Now that I know how rich people live, everything I used to like stinks! [the bunk bed starts to collapse, gets a coil wire in his eye] Ow! Lousy discount bed! [punches the bed and screams in pain as nails are tacked onto his hand]
Duncan: [Confessional] Scott's okay. At least with him, you know what you're getting, which is crud. But still, nice to know.
Alejandro: Well, good night, gentlemen. [goes to sleep; confessional] After a year in that robot suit, I find it difficult to sleep if I'm all spread out.
[Meanwhile in the girls' side, Heather and Jo continue arguing with each other, making Gwen have trouble sleeping]
Heather: Thanks again for blowing the challenge, Jo.
Jo: Me?! You're the one who wasted time arguing instead of digging.
Heather: I wouldn't have needed to argue if everyone just did what I told them to do. I'm the one with the most experience on this team.
Gwen: [annoyed] It's everyone's fault for not working together as a team! Now cram it! I am trying to sleep!
[Cut to the next morning at Spa Hotel. The heroes sit at the table, all eating delicious breakfast food]
Cameron: (holding an egg) Ah, I've never seen eggs so perfectly hardboiled! The odds are ten trillion to one!
Mike: (clutching some Bacon) Maple? Bacon? Let's never lose again!
Courtney: (The only one not looking happy) It's not all perfect. Hey, Butler? (the butler comes immediately) I've got a problem. (Cameron puts the egg in his pocket) This juice is about 5% too pulpy, (Zoey and Mike glance at each other conspiratorially and put some bacon in their pockets) I thought you were supposed to cater to our every...(the butler hands her a glass of orange juice) Oh! that was fast. (glares at him suspiciously) But I'm sure it won't be...(takes a slip of orange juice)....perfect!
Heather: [Confessional] "Teamwork?" Ugh. Don't make me barf. I am still gonna take control.
Cameron: [Confessional] Sierra and I have a lot in common. We're both super-smart, and we can both be a teensy bit socially oblivious sometimes.
Sierra: (From outside, knocking on the confessional wall) Cameron, what are you doing in there?
Cameron: Like I said...
(Courtney walks behind Gwen and Duncan, glaring at them)
Gwen: Ugh! Courtney is glaring at me again. Can you make her stop?
Duncan: Love to, but right now I'm blanking her like she's blanking me. so, no can do (he shrugs) but let you know if you catch her looking my way.
(Gwen stops and sighs as Courtney walks past)
Alejandro: (to Gwen) If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let anyone gaze at you, least they spoil your ethereal beauty! (smirks) Just something to consider. (walks off)
Heather: [Confessional] Leeches?! Chris is really making us earn the million this year, jerk.
Mike: [Confessional] Courtney is kind of scary sometimes. (Mal takes over) And I love when things get scary. (Changes back to Mike, laughs) So uh, what was I saying?
Courtney: [Confessional] Zoey has some seriously impressive skills. [determined] And that is why she's got to go.
[Just then, a leech hit Alejandro]
Alejandro: Please, attempt to be reasonable! (They launch into an argument, ignoring the leach that's heading straight to them. It ends up hitting Alejandro in the butt) Ahh! I'm hit! (he shrinks before collapsing)
[It was revealed that Zoey was the one who hit Alejandro]
Zoey: Sorry. But not totally. (Runs off as the vilains try to fire at her but miss her completely)
[The Villains started shooting leeches, Jo launches the leech-cannon, But, ends up hitting Scott.]
Scott: Ugh! Oh, c'mon! [sighs and falls down]
Chris: [laughs, over the PA] That's two points for the Heroes and zilch for the Villains!
Duncan: But, Zoey only hit Alejandro!
Chris: True! But, friendly fire counts!
[everyone glared at Jo]
Jo: What?! Dirt-boy got in the way!
Heather: You can take your excuses and stick it in your...[gets hit by a leech] Ahh! [It was revealed that Mike was the one who hit her as she is trying to pull the leech off] In my hair! What is wrong with you?!
Chris: Make that 3 to 0!
Gwen: (Confessional) Whoops. Being in charge is harder than it looks.
Chris: Tell me about it.
Chris: [Over the PA] This just in! With a final score of 6 points to 3, the Heroes win! Although, some didn't behave quite so heroically. Courtney!
Courtney: My survival instinct kicked in! [short pause] Anyone would've done the same!
Chris: Welcome Back, Villainous Vultures! Second elimination in a row. Way to lose! Now, get ready to cut someone loose. It's voting time!
[Jo got eliminated because she constantly bickered with other team-mates and misfired in the challenge, covering Scott with leeches, Chris then forces Courtney and Duncan to switch teams]
Chris: Alrighty then, onwards and flushwards. The folllowing villains are safe: Gwen, Alejandro, Duncan and Scott. [tosses marshmallows to each of them] Heather and Jo, you're on the edge. Heather, for being a pain in the keister, and Jo, for being a pain in the keister, who also took out her own team-mate in today's challenge.
Jo: He should have ducked.
Chris: And tonight's flush-e is...Jo! [tosses the final marshmallow to Heather]
Jo: (cries) Are you all nuts?
Chris: But, before we get flushing, I want to do a little reshuffling. Today, 1 villain acted more like a hero. And 1 hero acted more like a villain. So, pack your bags and switch your teams, Courtney and Duncan.
[everyone gasping]
Courtney: [shocked] I don't want to be a villain!
Duncan: And I don't want to be a lame ol' hero.
Chris: Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah, just... do it!
Duncan: [Sighs] It was fun while it lasted! [kisses Gwen and then, Courtney and Duncan then, switched their teams] At least now, you'll have to stop blanking me and admit that I exist.
Courtney: Yeah, you exist. SO WHAT?!
Duncan: Um. I like the blanking better!
Gwen: [Sits up to greet Courtney] So, Hey. Welcome to the team. [Walks over to Courtney but she accidentally kicks a bucket of leeches into Courtney’s head] Ahh!
Courtney: Ahh! Eww! [She takes the bucket off and showing her head been covered of leeches] Ahh!
Gwen: I swear! I didn't see the pail!
Chris: [Laughs] Pure evil!
Chris: Any final words?
Jo: Just flush it already!
Chris: [presses the flush button as Jo gets flushed away] I will not miss her.
[Exclusive clip: Jo's Flush of Shame in Egypt; Fade into a sewer, with hieroglyphics on the walls. Jo falls through the top pipe and lands on her butt]
Jo: (Stands up and dusts herself off) Great! Now what! (Notices a bunch of scarab beetles crawling around) Scarabs? (Crosses her arms; not impressed) Whoop-de-doo! Do your worst, stupid pathetic roach wannabes!
[Suddenly, 100 scarabs surround Jo. Cut to above a manhole cover, in Egypt. A lot of feet, including a camel’s feet, walk by as Jo’s noises are heard]

Food Fright [5.04]


Alejandro: (grumbling) Disgusting! I bet the girls are not treated this cruelly.
[a loud poof is heard, indicating another sack of gruel was dropped our and Courtney's scream rings out]
Courtney: [offscreen] EW!
Alejandro: I stand corrected.
Courtney: [Confessional; her head was covered in gruel] I wish Chef would pass on the whole "bed and breakfast" thing and let us starve instead! It would be more humane.
[Courtney walks out of the cloud of powered gruel and opens the door to find Scott standing there with a bucket full of gruel]
Scott: You gonna finish your gruel?
Courtney: What? No, gross! Help yourself!
Scott: [Scrapes some off Courtney] You clean up real nice.
Courtney: [Confessional] Hmm...Smelly, pit-stainy....But I definitely need an ally now that I'm stuck on Team Villain, so...Hmmm.. (sighs)
Mike, Sam, Zoey, and Sierra: (the room lights up, revealing a huge party with confetti and a cake that was being held by the butler) Surprise! Welcome to the hero team, Duncan!
Zoey: Woohoo! (she puts a party hat and party blower on Duncan)
Duncan: [Confessional; still wearing the party hat] Ugh, to all my peeps back home and at Juvie, I am not a hero! (groans) It must be a trap to gain my trust and Bam! (punches his hand with his fist) They vote me off. (points behind him) Fat chance of that, but I can't let them know that I know, so yeah, I ate the cake! It was like eating the happiest day of my life! (sniffles)
Duncan: [Confessional; missing Gwen] Man, I miss my villainous babe. I bet she's having a blast.
Gwen: [Confessional; sadly, clutching her legs] This, is the worst. I only came back to Total Drama to make things better with Courtney. [Puts her head deep into her lap and starts to sob] But now she hates me, more than ever!
[Cut to the outside of the confessional booth with Courtney is holding an umbrella, listening to Gwen as she is heard sobbing]
Courtney: [Confessional] She came back for me? Yeah, right! She'd probably knew I'd overhear. But... but how?
Courtney: Nice one, Scott. And yes, I was being sarcastic! [noticing Scott smiling at her] What? What?!
Scott: You're pretty when you're mad.
Heather: Barf!
Chris: [After Alejandro reswallows to prevent from barfing] Taste so nice, he ate it twice!
Alejandro: [Confessional; sulking] Chris will PAY for laughing at me!
Chris: [Over the intercom] I sincerely doubt it, Al! [laughs as Alejandro frowns sulkingly]
Duncan: [Confessional with his lips swollen from a mouse trap] I'm not one to care about my looks, but man, check out my lips! It's like two worms having a street fight down there.
Mike: [Confessional] Even if I could access my alternate personalities, I don't think they'd help. Svetlana only eats veggies, Vito's a total carnivore, Manitoba hates carbs, and Chester would just complain there's too much syrup.
Courtney: I'm not going after Gwen! She'll leave a booby trap in there for me!
Heather: Um, I think she's a little to busy for that.
Courtney: [shouting] Fine! I'll go next! (in a normal tone) But if we lose, Gwen goes home, deal? (offers her had to Heather)
Heather: (turning to Courtney and shaking her hand wile keeping her other hand behind her back) Deal. (the camera zooms in to reveal she's crossing her fingers)
Courtney: [screams after something green exploded all over herself] Green Jelly! [flails her arms as she runs around] Get it off me! Get it off me!
Cameron: Why is she freaking out so much?
Sierra: Season one. Phobia Factor challenge. She’s terrified of that stuff.
Courtney: [Yelling inside the spinner which is way faster than before] Whoa-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh! [a little red light on the intern's side begins flashing] Is this normal??? [The machine sputters and sparks, sending her flying into the air] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'
[Chris laughing]
Courtney: [Confessional; shivering while curled up in a fetal position with her hair shooting out in strands and her eyes glazed in fear] Seeing...Future...Must stop eating cake!
Chris: Listen up, campers. As I have a shocking announcement to make. Gwen didn't accidentally on purpose serve Courtney an ouchie today!
Courtney: The day's not over yet.
Chris: Sam! Will you stand up and turn out your pockets please!
[Sam does so, and chunks of pancakes come out, and everyone gasped.]
Sam: I just saved a tiny bit, in case I had to go to Boney Island again, it's a terrible place, I'm sorry!
Chris: Heroes forfeit! Villains win it!
[Originally, The Heroic Hamsters were the winners of the pancake eating obstacle-course race challenge. However, it was later revealed by Chris that Sam had smuggled some leftover pieces of pancake from the challenge in case he was sent to exile on Boney Island, thus making the Heroes forfeit the challenge. In the end, the Heroes voted Sam out of the game.]
Chris: Any last words before, you know...
Sam: I just wanna say... [Chris presses the button; he then screams and gets flushed]
Chris: Psyche!
[Exclusive clip: Sam's Flush of Shame; winds up in the sewer and thinks turtles are video game sprites]
Sam: [laughs] Awesome! [jumps on their shells and goes down the pipe (a la Super Mario)]

Moon Madness [5.05]


(Cut to the loser cabin’s porch at dusk; where a bowl of Chef's gruel falls into the dirt and spilling everywhere. Duncan coughs and splutters as he, Cameron, Zoey, and Brick try to eat the gruel)

Cameron: This slop tastes like dirt gravy. (Starts walking down the stairs) Which technically would be mud, but- (trips) Whoa! (Cameron had falls face first into the slop)
Mike: (Walks up to Cameron) Wow Cam, you ok? (Helps Cam up and hands him his broken glasses) Here you go, buddy. (He puts the glasses on Cam's face, but they crack in two and fall to the ground)
Cameron: (Groaning) Oh boy... (Zoey turns around and gasps)
Zoey: [confessional] I can't believe what I just saw! Or have just seen... no, saw... either way, I can't believe it!
Sierra: [confessional, Pointing to her empty hand] Look at my hand. It looks so weird without my phone! And without my phone, do I even exist? And if I can't talk to him, does Cody exist? [confessional ends] Zoey, can you see me? (Zoey is too busy looking at Cameron) Am I here? (Cameron puts his glasses back on, only for them to break again. Sierra then screams right in Zoey's ear)
Zoey: (Recoiling) Ow... What was that for?
Sierra: I thought you couldn't see me!
Zoey: (Her ear blown out) What?
Sierra: (Smiling) I thought I was invisible. Thanks, Zoey. (Walks back into the cabin)
Zoey: (Confused) what?
Heather: Ugh, do you have to whistle through your nose while you eat, Windie?
Alejandro: [sighs] Typical Heather.
Heather: [gasped] (Confessional) "Typical Heather?!" He calls that a comeback?! It's like he's not even trying! It's like he's lost interest in me. No one has ever lost interest in me!
Alejandro: (Confessional) To get the upper hand, I must throw Heather off her game. And so far, so bueno. Muy bueno.
(Confessionals off)
Courtney: [sighs] I feel like I'm missing something. But what? What could it possibly...
[An orange bird chirps like Scott's laugh]
Courtney: [gasped] Scott! I actually miss that scuzzball! I wonder how he's doing on Boney Island.
Scott: [confessional] Maybe it's ‘cause Pappy's in the army and Mama's a waitress... But I kinda like taking orders!
Courtney: [confessional] (Defensive) My only interest in Scott is as an ally, really! (Smiles) Sure he's cute, but in a sloppy, rustic sort of way... Like a shack with nice curtains, or a donkey wearing a wig.
Mal: [Confessional] Seems that this "blue harvest moon" has brought me back. Now that I'm in control, I'll torment these peons a little. But first, I have to sound like Mike. [He clears his throat, pushes his hair back up, widens his eyes, and does an almost perfect Mike imitation with his voice] Hi! I'm a bug-eyed weirdo and everybody loves me! [Laughs evilly in his regular, evil voice] Perfect.
Courtney: Um... since when do gators do that?
Alejandro: This moon is like no other. It must be causing the animals to become their opposite.
Heather: Wow, Alejandro. You're so smart!
Alejandro: Excuse me?
Heather: [to alligator] Who's a little boojy-boojy-boo? You are. Yes, you are!
Alejandro: (Yelling back) Hurry up, Heather, you have the map!
(Heather is still cuddling with the alligator)
Heather: Yay! Running! (She runs after the villains; the gator waves goodbye. Soon she runs ahead of everyone else) Good work, guys! We're halfway to the finish line! (She leaps ahead) Yippee, this is fun!
Gwen: (Looks nervously at Heather) Okay, this is sufficiently weird.
Courtney: I know, (Heather is now skipping along happily) why is Heather being affected by the blue harvest moon?
Gwen: Maybe she's part wolf?
[Gwen and Courtney both laugh before Courtney coughs glares at Gwen, running up ahead]
Gwen: [confessional] (Saddened) So... close...
Gwen: Are you kidding me?! How does one big ego fit inside such a teeny tiny brain? She hasn't said zip about you! Ugh! [confessional] Duncan! You know what's most uncool about him? How he's still obsessed with Courtney! That's so uncool it BURNS!!
Courtney: Gwen! Ugh, where is she?
Alejandro: Maybe she's at the finish line already.
Zoey: Ugh, the bridge is out. How are we supposed to get across now?
Sierra: Hey, Mike!
Mal (Mike): What? Hey, there you are!
Cameron: Mike, where'd you go?
Mal (Mike): Sorry, Cam. A bear chased me away! But it's okay, I think I shook him.
Zoey: But with the weird moon, wouldn't a bear be all sweet and cuddly?
Mal (Mike): Right, right! Ha ha, oh, I'm an idiot.
Sierra: I know how we can cross the pit! [laughs]
[Courtney was about to get attacked by the deer, but, Gwen saved her.]
Courtney: You saved me?!
Gwen: You'd do the same if our positions were reversed!
Courtney: (Looks away) Well... of course I would... [confessional] No I wouldn't! If our positions were reversed, I'd be one step closer to a million dollars! And Gwen would be deer food.
Gwen: [sighs] Wish I was on the heroes team.
Duncan: Aw, cheer up, Gwen. [kisses Gwen on the cheek] There, that should do it. You think she was watching?
Gwen: Ugh! I can't do this anymore! [angrily pushes Duncan aside] It's over!
Duncan: [shocked and confused] What just happened?!
Gwen: [confessional; sighs] I never thought it would end like this. When he kissed me on the plane after the London challenge, I felt fireworks. This time, it was like being kissed by a shoe. The thrill is so gone!
[Chris moves Cameron to the Villains team]
Chris: Ok peeps; each of you is a loser in your own right. But, the villains won the challenge, so, they've earned themselves another night of luxurious luxury at my spa hotel.
Scott: [raises his hand] I volunteer for exile on Boney Island!
Chris: [shrugs] Sure, I don't care.
Courtney: [worried] What? No! [turns to Scott] Why?
Scott: [puts his hand on Courtney’s shoulder] Sorry, babe; I gotta find that invincibility statue.
[the copter lowers its claw and picks Scott up again and Courtney sighs as he is carried away]
Chris: Ok people, tonight we-
Cameron: Wait!
Chris: [glaring] Now what?
Cameron: I volunteer for the Flush of Shame!
Sierra: [crying] Noooo!
Mike: [worried] Cameron, why?
Cameron: Sorry, Mike; I'd love to help you with your, uh, problem, but I just can't take any more of, y'know, this! [points to Sierra, who is curled up on the ground, sobbing]
Sierra: Oh, are you allergic to long grass? I can get chains instead!
Chris: [grinning] Well, isn't this a perfect way to introduce the surprise twist? Today's ejected hero is tomorrow's new villain! [everyone gasps]
Cameron: [confused] What?!
Chris: That's right! Instead of flushing Cameron, I'm sending him over to the villains' side! [the heroes gasp, Sierra sounds more disappointed] Sorry, Sierra.
[Mike suddenly gasps and his hair flips over his eye again and laughs, Mal returning, before pushing up his hair to look like Mike]
Cameron: I'll find a way to help you, even from the villains’ side, I promise. [extends his hand]
Mal (Mike): [grips Cameron’s hand, grinning] Gee, thanks, pal.
[Cameron nervously walks over to the villains’ side, staring up at them]
Cameron: [weakly] Uh, hi...
[everyone glares down at him; Gwen’s the only one smiling]
Mal: [Confessional] Cameron doesn't know what he's in for. None of them do. If I have my way, and I will, everybody loses.
Duncan: [Confessional] Seriously? Gwen can't do what anymore? What is she talking about?
Chris: Think they've had enough punishment? Yeah, me neither! Find out who's next to take the plunge when we return with another all-new episode of Total Drama All-Stars!
[Exclusive clip: Cameron's confessional]
Cameron: [Confessional] What was Chris when he switched me over to the villain's team? There isn't an evil bone in my body. I had the medical documentation to prove it. [he showed his X-ray picture] Maybe if I practice some villainous laughter before hand. [Laughing in evil-alike as he falls in a toilet; grunts] Uh oh. Hello? Anybody? A little help?
Courtney: (Confessional) With Cameron on our team, the newbie target's off my back. Next time we lose, 4-Eyes goes home. Unless he can't fix his glasses, then he'll be 2-Eyes. Still, he's out.
Gwen: The Villains team isn't entirely made up of evil people.
Heather: (To Cameron) You look nerdier than before, I know it sounds impossible, but here you are doing it, so...
Alejandro: Heather, please. I think that he pulls off a nerdy look with a generous measure of dignified flair.
Gwen: It's mostly made up of evil people.
[At the girls' side of the Heroic Hamsters' Cabin, Sierra is crying on the bed]
Zoey: Sierra, are you okay? [Sierra sobs]
Sierra: Oh, Zoey, I miss Cody-Cam!
Zoey: D-Do you mean Cameron?
Sierra: [gets mad at Zoey] That's what I said!
Zoey: Uh, no, you didn't.
Sierra: Well, your ears are wrong and, and so is your face! [ran out of the Heroic Hamsters' Cabin, crying, until Mal puts his leg over and makes her trip, revealing her idenity as "Eric Cartman"]
Chris: Now, before we head home, did anyone leave anything behind that they'd like to go get?
Heather: [walks off to the rock where she hid the statue and she reaches in and starts feeling around for it] Come to mama! C'mon, [looks into the rocks] why can't I- [gasps as she realizes Alejandro took it away from her, she walks up and growls to Chris] You took it! I know you did!
Chris: I have no idea to what you are referring. All aboard!
Heather: Of course Chris took my invincibility statue, who else?! You with your see-all cameras everywhere! Well WHATEVER! I am not the one going home tonight, that I promise you!
[Alejandro was voted off, but instead of Alejandro, Chris is eliminating Heather.]
Chris: I've tallied the votes and tonight's flushee is... Alejandro.
Heather: Ha!
Alejandro: Oh, I don't think I'm leaving.
Heather: Oh yeah? Really? Why is that?
Alejandro: [finally stands on his feet, surprising the team; walks up to Heather, and pulls out the Chris head statue; revealing he stole it from her] I've got diplomatic immunity!
[everyone gasps]
Chris: Just immunity, Alejandro.
Heather: [incredibly furious] You! YOU! YOU!
Chris: Hate to interrupt during such a well thought-out argument, but, the only vote that wasn't for Alejandro, was for you. [pulls out Heather's photo, revealing she has been voted off] You, you! So, you are getting flushed!
Heather: [falls on her knees much to her horror to cry]
Alejandro: [confessional; satisfied about Heather's elimination] Such beauty a toilet has never seen.
Chris: And who's heading to Boney Island?
Mal (Mike): I'll go! [Mal as Mike whistles a tune as he walks to the boat for Boney Island exile]
Duncan: [shocked gasp] I know that tune! [Confessional] Oh man, I knew Mike seem familiar. When I was a lonely punk in Juvie, he was running the place! But back then, his name was "Mal!" And he is bad news.
[As Heather is about to take the Flush of Shame, crossing her arms looking very mad, Alejandro sits next to her on the toilet seat]
Alejandro: Now that I have avenged the shame you once caused me, the slate is clean. We can start fresh. After all, we are a perfect couple.
Heather: [angrily pushes Alejandro off the toilet seat and he falls into the lake] Let's do this!
[Chris presses the button and Heather screams as she twirls around and disappears out of sight thanks to Alejandro]
[Exclusive clip: Heather's Flush of Shame in Alaska; She lands in the Yukon]
Heather: [shivering] I'm in the Yukon?! [groans; gets her tongue is stuck to a pole (just like Bridgette in "Total Drama World Tour") before getting attacked by a polar bear] [screams]

Suckers Punched [5.07]


Courtney: There are only nine players left, we have to merge soon. And after what you did to Heather, good luck find an ally, Al.
Alejandro: I would've prefer it if you did not call me that name. [Confessional] Last night, I dreamt about my older, smarter, better looking brother, José. [sighs exasperated] He always calls me "Al", and I hate it! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't de-tangle!
Scott: What's wrong with the name, Al? My sister's name Al, short for Albertha! She's the county hog caller. [makes hog sounds and a real hog pounces on him] Oww!
Chris: [when the wheel lands on Fang] Say hello to your foe, Fang!
Scott: Huh? [screams as Fang appears with a mask and boxing gloves]
Courtney: Hello? Scott? Scott!
Chris: C'mon, bro! Move it or lose it!
Duncan: Oh. I think that's already happened!
[Scott gets thrown into the ring by Chef and gets repeatedly punched by Fang]
Courtney: Wake up and smell the gloves hitting you in the face, Scott!
Scott: [Dazed, looks up into Courtney's eyes] I likes you, pretty lady. hehehehe...g'sleep. [Falls unconscious]
Chris: Time's up and Fang wins, no point for the villains the score remains 1-0 Heroes.
Courtney: (Glares at Fang) You should be ashamed of yourself, you overgrown guppy! [Fang rolls his eyes and ignores her. Courtney groans as she pulls Scott out of the ring]
Gwen: Let me help! [grabs Scotts feet and lifts him off the ground]
Courtney: Sure... [smiles] Thanks.
Gwen: [Confessional] [gasps, grinning] Did you see that? Courtney treated me like a human being! WHOOHOO!
Courtney: [Confessional] Maybe Gwen's paid her dues. Besides, I don't think I have to worry about her kissing Scott.
Alejandro: [Confessional] There's only one person who I'd ever want to fight less than Heather, and that person is... [The wheel stops, and the arrow points to a blue silhouette of his brother, José; shocked gasp] No! It can't be! [everyone gasps in surprise as José appears] José!
Chris: Ooh. Dog-ey! Does Al have what it takes to stand up to his big bro?
[Jose and Alejandro stand at opposite ends of the ring]
Jose: [with venom in his voice] Buenos Dias, Al. You look tired, and in need of exfoliation.
Alejandro: I exfoliate once a week, and the only thing I'm tired of is you! [in the confessional when his voice becomes high-pitched as he whines] I knew my dream was a sign! My whole life, Jose has been better than me at everything; academics, sports, and yes, even personal grooming! [looks determined] Well not this time!
Chris: [annoyed] Enough with the touching family reunion! Start punching each other!
[The match-starting bell rings and the two brothers lunge at each other, punching and ducking. Oddly, however, they only land body hits and don't aim for the face]
Duncan: Why are they just going with body hits? It's weird!
Alejandro: [in the confessional holding a mirror] It is the family code, not the face.
Jose: [in the confessional sitting in the opposite direction, also with a mirror] Never the face.
Chris: Looks like the villains are gonna be shut out AGAIN. Or should I say, punched out!
[Alejandro lunges for a punch, but Jose jumps back]
Jose: Your technique is almost as embarrassing as the way your girlfriend with the unattractive personality burned you on national television. [Alejandro growls as Jose laughs]
Alejandro: [fiercely lunges at his brother, punching him off-screen] THAT'S for calling me Al! [leaps over Jose to pummel him from behind] That's for always hogging the bathroom mirror! [cut to everyone outside the ring's expressions, everyone shocked] And replacing my soap with a urinal cake! [cut back into the ring, Alejandro rapidly winding his arms for a giant punch] AND THIS... IS FOR CALLING ANY ASPECT OF HEATHER UNNATRACTIVE! [he lunges for the final punch, sending Jose flying onto the ropes, rebounding and face planting to the ground. Alejandro simply smirks and raises one hand in victory]
Chris: Whoa, the villains get a point! And now we all know how Alejandro really feels about Heather.
Alejandro: [in the confessional looking directly into the camera] Heather? I know you're watching. [holds his hands out like a phone] Call me.
Izzy: [last appearance; smells] Ugh, you smell weird! Like a honey cruller wrapped in rotten ham. Good on the inside; poison on the outside.
Mike: [inside his mind] You're right! Help, Mal is keeping me prisoner in my own subconcious! [the mirror sinks into the brain] Wait!
Izzy: Question. Who's Mal? [Zoey and Duncan gasp]
Zoey: [confessional] How does Izzy know about Mal? That's it! I'm making a deck of tarot cards!
Mal: [confessional] They say the eyes are the window to the soul... Time to SHUT. THAT. WINDOW.
[Chris simply turns on the TV, which turns out to be a clip of Duncan and Gwen making out. The camera alternates between Courtney and the clips of Duncan and Gwen making out, Courtney gets super angry after every clip. The monitor shows what looks like one of Sierra’s blogs, with a picture of Sierra hugging Cody included. Another Gwen and Duncan make-out clip is shown]
Chris: Isn't it awesome? The producers found it on Sierra's Gwuncan blog.
Gwen: Uh, Courtney, remember, we're past this! We're friends again!
Courtney: [after she growls] I guess I'm not as over it as I thought. Sorry, Gwen. This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. [grunts; ready to trying beating up Gwen]
Gwen: Ah! [she dodged]
Courtney: That's for kissing my boyfriend!
Gwen: [grunts] That's for him not being your boyfriend when he kissed me!
Duncan: They're fighting over me. [confessional] See? Girls don't fight over a good guy. Total bad guy right here! [the mutant budgie lands on Duncan's lap] Aww! Aww...
Chris: Okay, time's up!
[bell dings]
[Courtney and Gwen collapse to their knees after fighting each other and saying the reason why they came back.]
Gwen: So, Friends?
Courtney: Totes! [She and Gwen hug each other] Friends forever!
Sierra and Zoey: Aww...
Chris: [in tears] For putting a little warmth on my otherwise frozen heart, I'm giving you both 1 point. That makes it 3-2. Villains win!
Villains: [cheering]
Heroes: [groaning]
[the Villainous Vultures won the challenge, and their reward was to send a contestant of their choice on the Heroic Hamsters home. In the end, they chose Sierra]
Chris: Tonight, the winners get to choose which player is eliminated from the losers’ team. [The heroes start to gasp] Hold that gasp. And the losers are the choosers of which winner goes to Boney Island. And the teams are NOT merging! …Now you may gasp. [Everyone gasps] And there it is. Now, villains, who's going home tonight?
[The villains whisper to each other for a couple of seconds]
Gwen: [Speaks up] We've decided-
Cameron: Reluctantly, very reluctantly!
Gwen: To eliminate... [The heroes all look tense for a few seconds] …Sierra!
Sierra: Meee, but why?
Cameron: You have a real Cody back home who needs you! For some reason... Now run, Sierra; run to him!
Chris: You mean swim, but, before Sierra gets flushed, which villain is going to exile on Boney Island? Heroes?
Heroes: [All in unison pointing at Alejandro] Alejandro!
Gwen: [As Sierra is in the Flush of Shame, crying] Sorry again! Say hi to Cody for me.
Duncan: And make more of those Gwuncan videos. [Gwen glares at him] What?!
Chris: [holds up an umbrella] Hold your breath! [pushes button; flushing Sierra]
Sierra: I'm coming Cody!!
[Exclusive clip: Sierra's Flush of Shame in Areas 51 and 52; She lands inside the Black Box building in Area 51 from Total Drama World Tour]
Sierra: Where? [gasped] Area 51 for episode 67 of World Tour! That means...[several pods open up revealing multiple Cody Clones] (squeals in exciting) Alien Cody Clones!!! [she happily carries one of the clones while chasing after the others and laugh] This is an Area 51. It's heaven!

You Regatta Be Kidding Me [5.08]


[The scene begins at the spa hotel, where Gwen wakes up.]
Gwen: I just dreamed I was riding a fluffy unicorn across clouds made of marshmallows.
Courtney: [walks over to Gwen] Yeah, there's soft beds all right.
Gwen: A couple days ago, I was ready to quit. Now that we're friends again, I never wanted to end!
Courtney: I hope we make it to the finale together!
Gwen: What about Scott?
Courtney: He's cool and all, but like you said, you gotta put friends first.
Gwen: Awww...
Gwen and Courtney: If I don't win the million bucks, I hope you do! [in the confessional] And I mean it, too!
Cameron: [Confessional] Being on the villains team is so nerve-racking. I've started sleeping with 1 eye open and now I can't blink it! (blinks one eye) See?
Scott: [Confessional] I had to throw him off. The Heroes are taking over the Villains team! Gwen's a wannabe, and with Cameron and Courtney, me and Alejandro are outnumbered! If I was back home right now, I'd be barricading myself in the cellar with enough potatoes and toilet paper to last till the next millennium!
Duncan: [Confessional] Everyone thinks I've gone soft and lost my edge! I'll show them who's gone soft, I'll show 'em ALL!
Chris: Courtney and Gwen reached Coconut Alley.
[Chef drops coconuts]
Courtney: Uh Oh! What's that?
[Coconuts pelted on the girls.]
Gwen: Hey! [Courtney almost falls off the boat and screams] Courtney! [Pulls her up] Whoo!
Courtney: Thanks, Gwen! I almost got my hair wet.
Gwen: I would never let that happen. Your hair is fantastic!
Courtney: No! Your hair is. What's your secret?
Gwen: I double condition.
Duncan: [sees the dynamite] Incoming, hold tight! [he grabs the stick and pinches out the fuse and chuckles] don't mind if I do! [Chef shakes his fist and growls]
Zoey: [points off-screen at something] Is that where Chris lives?
[Pan over to reveal Playa Des Losers, the resort previously used for the eliminated "Island" contestants, now repurposed as Chris' private cottage]
Duncan: Yeah, beautiful.... [narrows his eyes while holding up his stick of dynamite; he also audibly chuckles as he says this] Just beautiful. [Suddenly jumps off the boat]
Zoey: Duncan! Where are you going? [Duncan ignores her as he swims to shore]
Duncan: [in the confessional] If ANYONE thinks I've gone soft or lost my mojo, let's just say I found a way to set the record straight.
[Chris and Chef are laughing as Alejandro tries to get his boat to start after it stalled again.]
Gwen: What's Alejandro doing? His engine must've died.
Courtney: Guess he'll have to Ale-hand-Row-Row-Row his boat! [the girls laugh]
Gwen: [a horn honks as the boats are catching up to them] Hurry, they're gaining on us!
Courtney: Not on my yacht!
[The speedboat speeds up. Courtney and Gwen cheer. Alejandro continues to try and start his boat as the others approach faster. However, he jumps onto the tip of his boat and touches the buoy with his nose, just as Gwen and Courtney catch up]
Chris: Ooh, and Alejandro wins it by a nose! Courtney and Gwen take second place! Not that it matters; Mike, and Zoey take third. [Cameron paddles in, Scott glaring at him] And Cameron and Scott may have come in last, but they were definitely the funniest! A meal, not a snack! [he cackles like a mad hyena. Chef just shakes his head and rolls his eyes] Oh, my sides!
Scott: [Confessional] Pfft! It wasn't that funny, Chris!
Chris: [notices someone missing] Wait a minute, where's... Duncan? [a loud explosion is heard off screen]
Zoey: What the heck was that?
[Chris pulls out his binoculars and squinted through them.]
Chris: [gasps as he sees Playa Des Losers has exploded; in utter shock and despair] MY COTTAGE!!!! [breaks down]
Courtney: You call that a cottage?! It was a MANSION!
[Pan over to the damaged resort, Duncan running away from it]
Duncan: [cackles like a maniac] Yeah, [stops and dances] WHOO-HOOO!!! Now who's gone soft? [Runs off-screen, laughing]
Chris: So many pictures... of me!... gone!... all gone!
Chef: (holds Chris' shoulder) We'll build you another cottage.
Chris: [sighs and talks flatly and dejectedly] As winner of today's challenge, Alejandro gets immunity and a night at the spa hotel ...And, he can bring one person along with him... [everyone smiles hopeful at Alejandro]
Alejandro: [smirking triumphantly] As much as I would love to bring you all ...I cannot play favorites and break all of your hearts. [everyone sighs, disappointed]
Chris: [still flatly] As for the rest of you, time to hit the voting booth... [as everyone leaves, Mal walks up to Alejandro]
Mal (Mike): [forcely perky] Hey, Alejandro! So, I was kinda wondering, since there aren't any teams anymore, um, maybe we could form an alliance [Alejandro raises a suspicious eyebrow], or something...? Uh, I mean, if you want? ...Maybe... [laughs awkwardly]
Alejandro: Hmmm... Intriguing and unexpected... [smirks] Just the way I like to play it. [grabs Mal’s hand and shakes it] Deal!
[At the elimination ceremony, Duncan was arrested by the police and was disqualified from the game after destroying Chris' cottage]
Chris: [sighs, still depressed] Good news: as a reward for making it to the merge, there will be no Boney Island for any of you tonight. [The contestants cheer; whiney] Do you know how many statues of me were lost in that explosion? FIVE!
Courtney: Can we just get on with this ceremony already?
Duncan: [triumphantly] Told ya! Told ya I was a villain!
Chris: [sounding a bit like his old self] Before you vote for the first time as individuals, I have a special surprise for [glares at Duncan] Boom-Boom over here.
Duncan: [sarcastically] Aww, Chris, you shouldn't have!
[Two cops walk up to Duncan, one putting his hand on Duncan's shoulder, the other locking them in handcuffs]
Cop: You're under arrest for the destruction of a private cottage!
Courtney: IT WAS NOT A... [growls in frustration]
Gwen: Way to go, bad boy! I hope looking cool is worth getting locked up again.
Duncan: It is! I'm gonna rule Juvie!
Chris: Juvie? Um, you destroyed a major piece of property. It's a big boy jail for you, bro, and it's gonna be a real slammer! [chuckles]
Duncan: [immediately realizes how screwed he just made himself as the cop grabs him by the wrist] Wait, it was an accident! [the cops start dragging him off] Come on guys, have a heart! I-I didn't know you weren't supposed to put a toaster in the microwave! Agh, snuggle-muffins!
Chris: [Back to his cheerful self] Ah, justice! It's voting time!
Chris: Well, I believe this is a first! The votes have been tallied, and it's unanimous! Tonight's Flush o' Shame recipient is… Cameron!
Cameron: [shocked] WHAT?! How can it be unanimous?! I didn't vote for myself!
Zoey: I didn't vote for him either!
[Exclusive clip: Duncan is in jail, writing a letter to his mother while in prison after destroying Chris' cottage]
Duncan: Dear ma, how are you? I am in jail because I blew up a resort and got kicked off of Total Drama All-Stars. Some people. Jail isn't so bad except they don't let us go out much. On the upside, the food here is much much better. Happy birthday. Please send cake. Love, your awesome son, Duncan. [After ending his letter, Duncan's cellmate grins suggestively at him] P.S.: please send a lawyer as fast as you can.

Zeek and Ye Shall Find [5.09]


Chris: Hey, roomie! Since my house got destroyed it looks like I'll be staying here! Hey! It's no fun for me, either, huh. [takes off his towel and it gets tossed into Alejandro's face] I lost everything! [gets in the hot tub] Including my swim trunks!
Scott: Whoa! [he trips over a hole in the steps, and falls to the ground]
[Courtney clears throat]
Scott: [sniffs] I was just making sure I don't stink. Heh, and I don't. Seriously.
Courtney: [chuckles nervously] Let's pretend I just showed up now.
Scott: Cool. Oh, wait, don't!
[Courtney grunts as she trips and falls into Scott, before she kissing him]
Courtney: (confessional) [gasps] That was totally an accident. [squeals]
Scott: (confessional) We kissed! Heh heh. I did stink a little.
[Scott then quickly makes a makeshift ring out of his shoelace]
Scott: Uh, will you be my boyfriend? No, uh, my boyfriend. Ugh! Me yours. Uh, me boy. Just, will you go out with me?!
Courtney: Yes. (confessional) [holding the "ring"] My first ring. I'll keep it in my pocket. No way his shoelace goes up on my finger. Boys pee outside. In the dark.
Chris: [on TV, blowing a party horn] Welcome to episode 100 of Total Drama! To celebrate, I have an extra special 100th episode challenge. [laughs] I hope no one is allergic to rhinoceroses or fire or poison smallpox. [a feral Ezekiel pops up]
Gwen: Is that?
Chris: You're a real formaldehyde-
Everyone: LOOK OUT!
Chris: Please, don't interrupt. I-
[a feral Ezekiel puts a bag on Chris' head and kidnaps him and shuts down the TV with his claws as Chef spits out his coffee on the TV screen as it drips on the keyboard, causing the other TVs to shut down]
Scott: Ladies first. Or is that wrong, because this is dangerous? Or is that wrong because this is the 21st century? Or is it the 22nd?
Chris: [he is now tied up and his hair oddly floating upwards as he chuckles nervously] Hardy har, har, Chef, yep, you got me! [the camera rotates and zooms out, revealing that Chris is now dangling over a pit of toxic goo, a feral Ezekiel hunched over nearby] Chef? [a feral Ezekiel breathes heavily in a laugh-like way, rubbing his hands/claws together] Ezekiel? [laughs a bit] Hey, buddy! Looking good... [zoom in on a feral Ezekiel’s sharpened teeth as drool comes out] Quite the killer drool you got there, [the drool drips down onto the ground, sizzling as it eats through the rock. Chris gets more nervous] That's toxic waste exposure there... for yah... am I right? Um... [a feral Ezekiel growls] What's up, you upset with me, or something? [a feral Ezekiel makes inhuman noises and waves his arm like he’s trying to communicate] Um, I'm not very well versed in Freakezoidal interpretive dance... But I'll take that as a yes!
Gwen: (Confessional; Sitting in the fetal position, sideways, making several incoherent whimpering noises with her eyes wide in traumatized terror)
Chris: [Laughs, as he speaks, Feral Ezekiel’s breathing becomes more and more ragged] Where's all this anger coming from? Was it season 3, when I kicked you off the plane, made everyone hunt you down, and threw you in a volcano? Huh? Was it last year, when I sealed you inside a mine filled with toxic waste? [Feral Ezekiel's growling angrily in grows louder] Ooh, was it this season? When I flew you back in just to boot you out again?
[Feral Ezekiel lets out a loud, cave-shaking roar in angrily]
Chris: [Nervously] Nah... you wouldn't let a thing like worldwide televised humiliation come between us. Would you?
[Feral Ezekiel pulls out a box containing two rats as they squeak]
Chris: [Falsely] Cute pets! [Cringes nervously]
Mal (Mike): [Notices Courtney and whispers to Cameron] This is your chance. Kiss her, do it, hurry!
[Mal (Mike) quickly shoves a shocked Cameron into Courtney's face, kissing her. Mal grins evilly and Scott growls as he sees this]
Scott: Huh?
Cameron: Sorry! I mean, whoa! Why'd you kiss me? [Confessional] That was actually my first kiss. It feels like pressing your face against meat. But nice.
Scott: [He growls, then looks shocked at Courtney] Huh? You kissed him? Why?!
Courtney: I, what, are you...
Scott: Of all the...
Courtney: We fell!
Scott: You're so...
Courtney: Just listen...
Scott: This is just... me for a...
Scott: I can't believe...
Mal (Mike): [Whispering to Cameron] Run. [The duo dash off]
[Scott and Courtney don’t notice Ezekiel’s shadow falling over the two]
Scott: I can't believe I ever liked the eyes inside your face.
Courtney: So now you don't?
[Offscreen; Feral Ezekiel pants]
Scott: No, I don't think I...
[Feral Ezekiel roars, Scott and Courtney screaming in fear]
[Cut to the cage where Zoey, Courtney and Scott waking up inside, rubbing their heads]
Zoey: Thank goodness you guys are okay!
Scott: [Getting upset] Know what's not okay? [Turns to Courtney] That you kissed Cameron! And on our 2 hour anniversary! That's just cold.
Courtney: I'm telling you, he kissed me!
Scott: [Stands up] That's not what I saw.
Courtney: Well, if you don't believe me, I don't want your dumb shoelace ring! [Tosses said ring into his hands]
Scott: Good! 'Cause having one loose sneaker was making...Me...Crazy!
[Zoey is now huddling in the corner in the fetal position]
Zoey: [Confessional] The sad thing is, this isn't the worst party I've ever been to.
Cameron: I'll distract Zeke, you get Chris! [Gwen is about to say something, but Cameron interrupts] You saved my life; I owe you this! [runs out in the open] Yoohoo, lookie lookie! [waves his arms] I'm a big distraction! [a feral Ezekiel stops, and vomits out acidic goop at Cameron; but the goop misses] Ha, you missed! [the ceiling crumbles] Uh-oh... [rocks tumble down from the ceiling and crush him]
[a feral Ezekiel hisses triumphantly, before the sound of a cannon reloading was heard]
Gwen: [now holding the meatball gun] This is for Cameron! [shots at a feral Ezekiel and the others cheer as Chris falls down and rushes to the rock pile] Cameron!
Chris: [angered] Could have been a little gentler!!
Gwen: [digs through the rocks] Cameron!! [lifts up an injured Cameron]
Chris: [runs up to Gwen, untied] Come on, we gotta get out of here before Zeke- [gasps, upon realizing that it's too late when Ezekiel disappears into thin air, Confessional] For the record, I would like to state that, I, Chris Mclean, am not afraid of that sad misunderstood freak show named Ezekiel. Sure, it looked like I was scared, but I was faking! I'd say that dramatic performance is worth at least 5 Gemmies!
[Mal growls like Feral Ezekiel outside the confessional]
Chris: [He runs out from the confessional] Help!
[Mal evilly chuckles]
[Cameron got eliminated after a feral Ezekiel crushed him by a rockslide in the mines during the challenge, making him unable to compete in the competition anymore due to severe injuries.]
Chris: [At the elimination ceremony] Gwen wins our never to be repeated or spoken of again Challenge! She saved all of us. But, more importantly, she saved me. So, I'll honor the deal Chef made. The spa hotel is yours, Gwen. Who's heading for exile on Boney Island?
Gwen: Alejandro!
Alejandro: [sighs] First my boot and now this.
Chris: And as for who goes home, no vote is required. [Chef pushes Cameron who was bandaged and in a bubble] Cameron is too injured to continue. So, as my rules and my cruel streak dictate, he must be flushed.
Zoey: I'll miss you, Cam.
Cameron: [muffled] I’ll miss you too!
Gwen: You get better, okay?
Cameron: [muffled] Thanks, Gwen! Bye, Mike!
Mal: Oh, Mike's gone. I’m Mal. And I let you fall. So long, sucker. [snickers evilly]
[Cameron muffled screams horrifyingly, Chef pops the bubble, and Cameron gets flushed down the Flush of Shame]

The Obsta-Kill Course [5.10]


Alejandro: (Confessional) Chris is lucky I have a bigger problem to deal with. Mal! Good thing I have a DVD full of incriminating footage hidden in the hotel. When the time is right, bam! I'll expose that phony or my name is Alejandro Burrosmuertos.
Chris: (laughs) Tell them what your last name means! (laughs)
Alejandro: It's a very respected name where I come from. Very respected!
Mal: Better watch your step, pal. Or is it Al?
Alejandro: Quite a warning coming from the guy who tampered with the votes.
Mal: So what? Who's gonna believe you, the most manipulative guy in Total Drama history?
Alejandro: True, I'm not known for being trustworthy. That's why I have procured a DVD full of evidence of you at your shiftiest. Your hours here are numbered, pal. Or should I say...Mal. (Mal threatens to break Alejandro's wrist) Wait! My people have a saying! ¡Burros muertos no hablan!
Mal: Dead donkeys don't talk?
Chris: (laughs) Alejandro "dead donkey"! (laughs)
Gwen: (gapping) He let Cam fall? Wow, that's harsh, even by Alejandro's standards. (smiling) Count me in.
Zoey: (smiling) Awesome! Now we just have to survive this challenge. (puts a hand on Gwen's shoulder) At least it's not underground, right? (she and Gwen laugh)
[The camera zooms back to Alejandro's perspective. Courtney glares suspiciously at Zoey and Gwen]
[Zoey and Gwen laugh and then, Courtney came over glaring.]
Courtney: You two better not be talking about me kissing Scott and Cameron!
Gwen: [Gasps] You kissed Cameron?!
Courtney: [Confessional; grinning sheepishly] Oops!
Scott: Courtney, I need to talk to you. Did you kiss Alejandro?
Gwen: Okay, I'm out of here!
Courtney: Yes, but it was years ago! You and I weren't going out, so it's okay!
Scott: My cousins and I would usually compete for who would stay on the clothes line the longest over a nest of fire ants.
Chris: But, everyone else wants Alejandro to surf the porcelain wave machine!
Alejandro: [Sighs] Man!
Chris: Gee. What a shame!
[Scott, Courtney, and Gwen run-up to the zip-lines]
Scott: (to Chris) You didn't say we were going to NEED our packs.
Courtney: (glaring at Scott) You ditched your pack?
[Alejandro got eliminated because Mal convinced the other contestants to vote him off when he knew his secret]
Alejandro: This show just got 100% less beautiful! But I’m not the real villain, a greater evil is lurking!
Chris: [fake yawns] Boring! [presses the remote button and flushes Alejandro]
Alejandro: [to Zoey while spinning around, getting flushed] The truth is in the art! It’s in the AAAARRRRRTTTTT!!!!
[Exclusive clip: Alejandro's Flush of Shame in Alaska; lands in the Yukon where Heather was and begins to shiver due to the freezing temperature. Suddenly, Heather drives over to him in a snowmobile and steps out of the vehicle]
Alejandro: [gasped; Heather slaps him on a face] I missed you.
[Heather smiles and the two drive off together as harmonic music plays in the background]

Sundae Muddy Sundae [5.11]


Mal: Where is it...? Where did Alejandro hide it?
Zoey: Mike? What happened?
Mal (Mike): Um, oh, uh, hey Zoey. I was just helping to water the plants, and I dropped one. Against the wall. So... [chuckles nervously]
Courtney: Are you still mad at me for all the kissing I did? Because like I said before, Scott was an accident and Cameron kissed me!
Gwen: I'm not mad at you. I just hope your head is still in the game.
Courtney: Don't worry. My head is totally in the game.
Gwen: So you still wanna go all the way to the finale with me?
Courtney: Gwen, I promise. It's you and me. Right to the end. [Confessional] Gwen is great, but if you ask me, winning is everything. This is the farthest I’ve ever made it on Total Drama, and I am going all the way! [Reaches behind her back, and pulls out what she was writing last night: a chart with crude colored pencil drawings of all the other contestants. She addresses the drawing of Scott with a rat’s tail, with a green check mark next to him] Scott is sweet on me, for obvious reasons, so I’m keeping him around to the end since he’ll probably let me win. [Addresses the drawing of Gwen with a big red X drawn through her, and with devil horns on her head] Which means Gwen goes second last. [Addresses the drawing of Zoey with a big red X drawn through her] And Zoey has to go, like, now. [Addresses the Mike drawing, surrounded in a red circle with a red X, and an arrow at the end pointing to a question mark] The only wild card is Mike, but I’m pretty sure I can crush him. (pleased exhale) Making a chart always helps clarify things nicely.
[Confessional off]
Scott: [Nervously] H-Hey, Courtney. You're looking really uh... goop! [Catches himself] Uh, good! [Chuckles nervously] I mean, you know, guice. [Catches himself again] Nice! [Grabs his head, groans]
Courtney: [Looks awkward while Gwen snickers] Uh, thanks, Scott.
Scott: Yeah, anytime. [Smirks co*ckily] And uh, hey, if you need help lifting anything, just let me know. [Stops and starts stretching, grunting. Flexes his muscles] Yeah, that's the stuff. Arms like a cheetah!
[Gwen gags, Courtney snickers]
Courtney: [whispered] I know, right? [She and Gwen chuckle]
Gwen: [Confessional, giggles] This is great. Courtney and I are back to being friends. Sure, it's taken a while for her to trust me again, but it was worth it.
[Confessional off]
Scott: Hope you two got lots of sleep, 'cause I'm feeling as strong as an ox.
Mal (Mike): [Faking innocence] Don't you mean "strong as a rat"?
Scott: [Confused] Heh?
Mal (Mike): Oh, you haven't seen Courtney's chart!
[Courtney gasped in shocked]
Scott: Eh? What chart?
Mal (Mike): [Pulls out Courtney's elimination chart to show contestants] This one. [he showed Courtney's elimination chart to everyone as they gasped in shocked, which he stole] Great plan, by the way. Not how I want it to go down, but still.
Gwen: [Glares at Courtney] Second-last?! [She storms off] Right to the end, my butt.
Courtney: [Defensively] I can explain!
Scott: [Angered] You gave me a TAIL?! Wow! [He storms off]
Courtney: W-Wait!
Gwen: [Only looks back once] Oh, please, even you can't talk your way out of this one.
Courtney: [All alone, groans] Sensitive much.
Gwen: [Confessional, infuriated] Courtney was only pretending to be my friend?! Ugh! How did I not see that?! She's going down.
Scott: [Confessional, offended] A tail! And it's pointed, like a rat tail! I will never forgive her for this, NEVER! Not unless she really really wants me to.
Courtney: [Confessional] Thanks, Mike. But I am not getting flushed down the giant toilet! I mean, it sort of suits the others. But I am not a giant toilet swimming kind of girl.
Courtney: [Confessional, excited about the challenge] Whoo! Yes! I know my sundaes. I worked at an ice cream shop for three weeks, then I got fired for flinging a scoop of raspberry swirl at a customer. But she started it with all her "Excuse me, excuse me". I was on my break!
Courtney: [panting] Gwen! That chart meant nothing!
Gwen: Ugh.
Courtney: Seriously. It was not serious.
Gwen: Save your incredible bad breath, Chart-ney. From now on, it's every woman for herself.
Courtney: [Confessional; about Gwen is refusing apologize to her] Gah! Why can't Gwen just be impressed with my genius and go along with it?! Huh! No wonder she has such a hard time keeping friends.
[Confessional off]
Zoey: Mike, I have to know. Why did you expose Courtney in front of everyone like that? It was just so, you know, mean.
Mal (Mike): I did it for us! For you, really. I want you to win. But without Cam, we're outnumbered. Courtney, Gwen, and Scott, they're too powerful together. We have to break them up. And you're got to admit, she kinda had it coming. [chuckles]
Zoey: [Confessional] It's not like Mike to enjoy someone else's misery, even if it is Courtney's. Hmm. When Alejandro was making that big goodbye speech, he said there was "greater evil" lurking. He also said "the truth is in the art". Man, typical Alejandro. Hot and infuriating right to the end.
Courtney: [Trying to be persuasive to Zoey] You know, you're as fit as me, practically. We should team up.
Zoey: [Glares at Courtney] After what you did to Gwen? Sorry!
Mal (Mike): [slides past] All clear!
Courtney: Well, there goes YOUR only ally too!
[Meanwhile, Scott struggles to pull himself up from the edge of the cliff]
Scott: (Grunting)! (Finally pulls himself up, where he’s wearing the bowl on his head)
Courtney: (Off-screen; tauntingly) Hey, Scott! (Pan over to the ice cream snowman; Zoey and Courtney have their scoops already) See you later, in the giant toilet!! And you'll be the one in the toilet, not me! [She and Zoey run towards the cliff and slide down; she cackles boastfully. Meanwhile, the shaved bear pops up from the snow banks]
Scott: (Growls in infuriated) Laugh it up!! But you’re gonna lose, Courtney!! (Starts running towards the ice cream snowman) I may be behind, but I’m as surefooted as a...(Starts slipping on the ice again. The bear is licking the ice cream snowman, when Scott collides with the ice cream snowman; causing its head to fall on top of the bear’s head. The bear roars in anger, and Scott screams in fear) [Confessional] Let's get one thing clear. I wasn't afraid of the bear. I was screaming to confuse it. Yeah, that's it.
Gwen: [arriving at the swamp] Whoo! Stanky!
Chris: Gwen's first to the cherries! Will she keep her lead? Not if Snappy has anything to say about it!
Gwen: Snappy?!
["Snappy" the alligator, emerges from the water.]
[Now Zoey is in the swamp; she walks towards the bowl until she suddenly sinks a bit and stops]
Zoey: Ah! Oh, c'mon. (Groans and struggles) my foot is stuck.
[Courtney floats by on a log, smiling smugly]
Courtney: Aw, too bad. [Floats up to the cherries and grabs one] If we were a team, I'd totally help you. But... not in a million years! [Floats past again, Zoey struggles harder] Bye!
Zoey: [Confessional] Maybe Courtney is the greater evil Alejandro was talking about.
Courtney: [Confessional] I've got 3 kinds of ice cream and a cherry. Funny. All I can taste is victory!
Courtney: (Desperately) Gwen! I...
Gwen: (Stands up, annoyed) No time to chat!
Courtney: Wait, I'm sorry! I never should've made that chart! I still want us to be a team, I still want us to be friends! Please don't vote me off. Vote for Zoey!
Gwen: (sighs) Okay, I tell you what. I vote for Scott, and I'll try to convince Zoey to vote for him too.
Courtney: (squeals in delight) Seriously?
Gwen: I still want to be friends too. But to prove that I can trust you, you have to vote for yourself. (Walks away from Courtney)
Courtney: (scoffs bitterly) Get real. You're just trying to make it unanimous.
Gwen: That's a chance you'll just have to take! (Runs off)
Courtney: But, (groans)... fine.
Mal (Mike): You have to beat Gwen or else we're both on the chopping block. Hurry!
Zoey: Okay. But if I win, I promise we'll both go to the spa. (Kisses Mal on the cheek, which Mal “smiles” about, and heads towards the flower)
Mal: (Smirking to himself, raises a small rock) Let's rock.
(Zoey runs past and collects some chocolate sauce while she runs as the flower continues to shoot flames)
Scott: [Picks up dirt and spreads it on his sundae] Dirt would've been my first choice as a topping back home. See you at the finish line! (he runs off)
Courtney: I can't use dirt. What would my former employer think? Ugh, it's totally burned up! [She reaches into the burnt up chocolate pool, scoops up some chocolate coals] Ugh, fine. Chocolate coals it is. [She puts the chocolate coals on to the sundae; it starts to melt] The coals are still warm! They're making my ice cream melt! [A bird passes over and vomits on Courtney’s sundae] Eww. (She then shrugs) Meh. [confessional] What?! It’s for Chris’ interns and he never feeds them anyway. As if they’re gonna be picky. They should thank me!
Scott: Run faster! I don't care who wins as long as it's not Courtney!
Courtney: Dun-Dunnnnnn! Shortcut! Ha ha ha, whoo! (Presents the sundae right in front of the interns) Eat it, interns!
Chris: (Mischievously) Surprise! Change of plans. You have to eat your own sundaes. First to finish wins immunity. Everyone else is on the chopping block. So, dig in.
[Gwen, Zoey, Mal (as Mike), and Scott start to eat their sundae, except Courtney can't eat her sundae which had been covered in burnt chocolate coals and bird's vomit and she gags from the smell of the bird's vomit]
Courtney: (In confessional; gags and swallows) I can't do it. I can't eat disgusting foods. I'm just not gross like the others.
Gwen: Ah, brain freeze!
[Scott chuckles]
Gwen: Easy to laugh when you have no brain to freeze.
Scott: Pfft. You're just jealous 'cause I'm almost done.
Zoey: (after she finish eating her sundae) Ta-Da!
Chris: Boom! Just like that, Zoey wins the challenge and immunity!
Mal (Mike): Yes!
[Gwen and Scott groans]
Courtney: (Relieved) Phew, yes.
Scott: You gonna eat that?
Courtney: Here!
Chris: Not so fast. Everyone has to eat their own sundae, 'member? You won't get anything else to eat until you finish the sundae you thought was good enough to feed my interns. I wouldn't feed them that.
Courtney: It's not my fault! Mike ruined the chocolate on purpose! (Zoey looks at Mal in surprise)
Chris: But you're the one who put it in your sundae.
Courtney: What was I supposed to do? Skip the chocolate sauce?
Chris: Yes!
Courtney: Well, now I know for next time?
[Courtney got eliminated because Mal/Mike exposed her for writing an "elimination list", causing the remaining contestants to lose trust in her. She was voted off in a 3-2 vote]
Courtney: I know I was a bad friend, but please, please don't vote for me.
Gwen: I won't, as long as you vote for yourself. [Courtney groans] By the way, your sundae smells like the outhouse. [Courtney retches and pukes] Ha, guess she's not hungry.
Chris: Elimination time. Tonight, Zoey got immunity, and Scott and Courtney are on ice. Scott, you finished dead last and you're all out of allies. Courtney, back-stabbing your friends and trying to poison my interns? Really? It's time to vote.
Scott: [Confessional] After that chart, who can ever trust Courtney again? Anyway, I look nothing like that picture she drew of me. Mama always says I'm as handsome as a mule!
Chris: Alright, I tabulated the votes and tonight's loser with 3 votes to 2 is Courtney! [pan to Courtney in the Flush of Shame with her disgusting sundae]
Courtney: You can't flush me yet! I'm still eating. [tries eating her disgusting sundae and she retches]
Chris: That's the spirit! Never give up! [presses the flush button as Courtney gets flushed away as she screams] I know, we're all gonna miss her.
[contestants groans]
Scott: Well, she wasn't all bad.
Chris: Congrats on making it to the final four. Zoey, the spa hotel is all yours, because from now on, winners can't take anyone along with them.
Zoey: Oh no. Really? Sorry, Mike.
Mal (Mike): No worries. You deserve it. [as himself as he groans]
[Exclusive clip: Courtney's Flush of Shame; In the shore of a beach, and is now gasping for air while shark fins circle her]
Courtney: [Sees the sharks and starts to panic] Uh...Uh...Uh oh. Oh no..!! [The sharks pop out and screams] You hungry? [Chuckles nervously and pulls out with her disgusting sundae] Here! Eat this! [the sharks smell Courtney's sundae (which had been covered in burnt chocolate coals and bird's vomit) and gagged; she gasped and the sharks puke on her] NOOOO!!!!! NOT THE HAIR!!! [cries]

The Bold and the Booty-ful [5.12]


Scott: I can't believe Courtney's gone. Now who's gonna yell at me and make me do stuff I don't wanna do?
Mal (Mike): You two really had a good thing going. Until Gwen messed it all up.
Scott: Yeah, she did, didn't she?
Zoey: Strange.
Chris: I am so bored! I miss my cottage!
Zoey: You mean mansion? Anyway, I was trying to--
Chris: Did you know the soap here is made of soap? What am I, a peasant? And six-hundred thread count bed-sheets? It's like sleeping on sandpaper!
Zoey: Okay, I'd love to chat more, but uh, I-I'm about to have a bathroom emergency. The explosive kind.
Chris: Ugh! Way to overshare!
Zoey: Phew. Okay, where was I?
Chris: Oh. Alejandro did say look in the art.
Mal (Mike): So, did you sleep well?
Zoey: Not as well as you might think.
Mal (Mike): Look, I know it's been tough for you to trust me this year, but I really am back in the driver's seat now! Have been since the boat race, and it's all thanks to you. I promise, I'm the same Mike who gave you that bracelet last year.
Zoey: Yeah, I wasn't sure who you were sometimes, but now I know. [confessional] Mike gave me a necklace, Mal. Not a bracelet, you weasel.
Chris: Think fast and work even faster, because, 2 of you are going home today.
[The contestants gasped upon hearing this.]
Gwen: I thought 3 of us were going to the finale.
Chris: [chuckles] Yeah, no. Whoever comes back last, or worse, empty-handed, goes directly to the Flush of Shame. Whoever brings back their loot first wins a guaranteed spot in the finale and gets to select which of the remaining two walks the plank into the big john tonight. [pirate voice] All clear?! On your marks... [normal voice] Oh, just go.
[airhorn blares]
Scott: Here, diamond, diamond...
Chris: [over loudspeaker] And Scott's first to reach his pirate loot zone! The heat is on! I hope my loud voice isn't getting Fang's attention!
Scott: [hushed] Would you keep it down?
Chris: [over loudspeaker] They're called loudspeakers, bro! Deal with it!
Gwen: One intact portrait coming up! How hard can it be? [gasps upon realizing the destroyed cottage] Why did I ask how hard could it be? [Confessional, infuriated] Thanks again, Duncan!
Chris: [over loudspeaker; sadly] And Gwen breeches my beloved cottage. Treat her gently, Gwen. Gently...
Gwen: Yeah, yeah. Ooh, what's that? [grunts]
Gwen: Come on!
Zoey: That's right. I got your dinner! Follow me!
Scott: [Confessional, with a treasure chest on his head] Sharks are nothing like pigs!
Gwen: [panting] I'm here! I'm here!
Chris: And Gwen is last to arrive, but she comes bearing loot. Unlike Scott.
(Scott groans)
Chris: (Gwen shows the re-painting one of Chris's self-portraits when she made) Funny. I don't remember this one.
Gwen: Yeah, uh, I had to do a little restoration work.
Chris: [He smells the painting] Ugh! What's that earthy aroma?
Gwen: Oh. It's avant-garde, it's stylized. It''s... [sighs] It's bear poop.
Chris: [pukes on the painting] For showing up last and defacing my portrait, Gwen gets the flush!
[Zoey gasps]
Gwen: [gasps] What?! No fair! Scott and Mike came back empty-handed!
Chris: True! But, they didn't make me do this! [pukes on the painting again]
Gwen: [sighs in defeat] Fine!
[Chris eliminated Gwen from despite bringing back treasure, unlike Scott and Mal, he deemed her as the loser because she defaced a painting of him with bear poop. Zoey won immunity, and was able to pick who to bring to the finale with her, and she chose Mal over Scott due to the promise she made for a "friendship finale"]
Gwen: [As she was in the Flush of Shame] Good luck, Zoey! I really hope you win!
Zoey: Aww, Thanks! Next time, I hope we're on the same team!
Gwen: Next time?! Oh no! No way am I ever coming back to this dump! [screams as she gets flushed]
Chris: Who to flush next? It all comes down to who you wanna battle in the finale. Scott or Mike.
Zoey: [Confessional] I wanna bring Mike to the finale. Not Mal. But, if I ditch Mal now. Mike could be lost forever. Ugh. Love. Pfft. Seriously! [end confessional] I promised to have a friendship finale. But, things had seriously changed since then. [Chris yawns] But, I'm a girl of my word. So, sorry Scott.
Scott: Oh. [gets in the Flush of Shame] You're making a mistake. Mike's a total scammer. You don't know what you're in for.
Zoey: Thanks, Scott! But, I know exactly what I'm up against and who.
[Mal looks suspicious and Chris pushes Scott in the toilet and flushes him]

The Final Wreck-Ening [5.13]


[Mike and Zoey both become finalists of the season]
Chris: (over loudspeaker) Good morning, finalists. Meet me in the forest clearing and get ready to diet! Sorry, typo. Ready to die!
Mal (Mike): Thanks again for bringing me to the finale. I know things have been--
Zoey: I didn't do it for you. I did it for Mike. And you can drop the act.
Mal: Oh, what a relief. Pretending to be that boring was really getting to me. What did you see in him?
Zoey: I'll take boring Mike over evil Mal any day.
Mal: Oh, Zoey. Don't you get it yet? There’s no longer a choice. [whispers into Zoey’s ear] Mike is gone. And he’s never coming back. [evil laughter]
Zoey: [Confessional] Is Mike really never coming back? No, that’s just what Mal wants me to believe. I hope.
[Owen shows up and makes his last appearance in the show]
Chris: Now that you've got your weapons, you'll need them to pop these balloons. [Addresses the 12 giant orange balloons floating in the sky, each one has a familiar looking shape shown in the middle] Each one contains a previously-flushed all-star.
Zoey: Seriously? Can they breathe in there?
Chris: I don't know. Ask our classic competitor Owen. He filled them.
Owen: Thanks, Chris, these double deep fried beans really do the trick, [chuckles] watch! [he grunts, as a balloon starts inflating behind him and Chris cringes as a large popping sound is heard] …mommy.
Chris: You have 30 seconds. Any all-star you shoot down becomes your helper. And... go! [airhorn blows]
Chris: Zoey picked up Cameron and Gwen! Mike, you might wanna start trying.
Mal: It's Mal. Zoey, why don't you take a break?
Chris: Time's up! Oh, intern. Go collect the helpers, please. [The intern walks over to the remaining balloons and raises his pole to bring down the balloons. Suddenly a strong wind blows in, blowing the 8 remaining balloons far away from the island; the screams of Lindsay, Lightning, Jo, Sam, Sierra, Duncan, Courtney, and Scott are heard as the balloons float away] Ooh, yeah. Probably should've tied them down. [His cell phone rings, he picks it up and looks] Huh. It's the lawyers. [Stuffs the phone in his back pocket] I'm gonna let it go to voicemail. Okay! Let's go!
Chris: [through megaphone] Heather, can you hear me?!
Heather: Yes, Chris! I hear you. Alejandro and I are fine with the rules.
Chris: [gasped] Oh, no! Are you two... DATING?!
Gwen: Hey! He's not Mike. Remember that or he'll introduce you to a pool of lava.
Zoey: Okay, right, I know that. I do.
Heather: How do we get across?
Mal: I'm not here to help you. You're here to help me. Figure it out.
Alejandro: Such bigger anger for a little man.
Chris: [through megaphone] Welcome to level 2. All tied, no one's died. Yawn. Let's go, people!
Mal: Huh? [camera zooms out revealing his tower has disappeared] Impossible. Where’s my tower?
Mike: It’s gone, Mal. It’s gone for good.
Mal: [His final words; angrily] No. NO! It’s MY time!! MINE!!!!!
Zoey: [screams] Mike... is it really you? Like, really really?
Mike: From now on, I'm all Mike. All the time.
Zoey: (Confessional) I wanna believe him, but can I? Can I?
Mike: Hey, where's the necklace I gave you?
Zoey: (during her last confessional) (squeals)
Gwen: Whoops! My stick slipped, Old Heather! (cut to her last confessional) I’ve been waiting to do that for four seasons! (laughs)
[Mike's ending]
Chris: Ooh, some impressive maneuvers from both Mike and Zoey. And unimpressive shooting from Chef. Gah!
Zoey: Don't say that, Chris! I'm sure Chef is trying his best!
Chef: Aw, thank you, sweetie. At least somebody appreciates me.
Mike: [grunts] Yeah! [laughs] I did it! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Chris: Mike wins a million dollars!
Zoey: Oh Mike! I'm so proud of you!
[Mike is hit in the face by Chef's spaghetti]
Chef: I was just cleaning it and it went off.
Gwen: Way to go Mike!
Cameron: Great to have you back buddy.
[Zoey's ending]
Chris: Ooh, some impressive maneuvers from both Mike and Zoey. And unimpressive shooting from Chef. Gah!
Mike: I'll say! You couldn't hit the blind side of a-- whoa! [grunting] Ah! Oh!
Zoey: [grunts] Yes! Woohoo!
Chris: Zoey wins a million dollars!
Mike: Alright Zoey, way to- [gets food thrown in the face]
Chef: I was just cleaning it and it went off.
Gwen: Way to go Zoey!
Cameron: You deserved it, nice win!
Chris: [sighs as his phone rings] It's the network! [Answers the phone] Yes! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Okay, done! [Ends the call] They're so happy that they want to go straight to a new season with an all new cast! [Suddenly, the ground shook] Um. What's going on?!
Cameron: Chef! What did you use to make these moats?
Chef: A fracking machine!
Gwen: Whoa! You can't say that on TV!
Cameron: A fracking machine is a hydraulic drill. You can't use it on an island this small. It's dangerous!
Chris: Why? What?! What could happen?
[Suddenly, water spouts out]
Cameron: [panicking] THE ISLAND IS SINKING!!!
[Everyone screaming while Mike and Zoey ran and held together as the island began to sink]
[Cut to the dock, where the Saskatchewan walks towards the Flush of Shame, holding a newspaper and whistling. Suddenly, water comes gushing out of the toilet; pretty soon water is gushing out of the Confessional, the mine, even the rocks and trees from the ground. The animals all run for their lives, excluding one squirrel who holds up a sign with a picture of a broken earth, cackling insanely. Water bursts out of the mess hall, the interns floating on one table. The butler plays a violin on the spa hotel patio, as water washes over it. Finally, pan out to the whole island, as it sinks straight into the ocean or the lake. Miscellaneous objects float away; Chef just sips his coffee cup as he floats on a rubber duck. Heather and Alejandro pop up from underwater]
Heather: Cheated out of a million bucks, AGAIN! I hate this show!
Alejandro: But, we have the greatest consolation prize of all... each other.
Heather: Great. JUST great. [Fang pops up as well; the two swim off screaming as Fang chases them]
Mike: We should do this again sometime.
Zoey, Cameron and Gwen: No!
Chris: Well, that's it for our very first All-Star season. But don't worry, we're coming back with a brand new cast! And I guess a brand new island too. [chuckles] Until next time. I'm Chris McLean, and this has been... Total... Drama... All-Stars!
Owen: [His last appearance; last lines during his water skiing ride] Look, mom! I'm water skiing! [yells and wipeouts and lands in the water as he laughs] That was awesome!
[last exclusive clip: Post-finale clip]
Mike: I know what you're thinking. Am I gonna miss talking to all my other personalities? Maybe. Then again? Maybe not.
[Zoey giggles at this, just then, we see Fang still chasing Alejandro and Heather, Fang then gets a bib napkin and puts it on, and he continues to chase them when they go back to their old habits]

Total Drama Pahkitew Island


So, Uh… This Is My Team? [6.1]


Chris: Welcome, Total Drama fans! Put on some clean undies, cuz, things are about to get wild! [Laughs] 14 spanking fresh contestants and a totally brand new location; [Pans out to reveal the new Island] A Cree island located in western Canada. [Cuts to the scene where Camp Wawanakwa sank in the All-Stars finale] As you might recall, during our heroes vs. villains finale, someone, and I prefer to remain nameless, accidentally destroyed our old island. [Cuts back to the new island] So this is where we landed! No shacks, no showers, no hotels, no hot tubs. The only things we managed to save were the outhouse confessional and all the horrible butt smells that live in it. [An intern comes out gasping for breath and faints] It'll be the roughest roughing it, that's ever been roughed on Total Drama. So, buckle up! This is Total Drama Pahkitew Island!
[A zeppelin flying across the sky is carrying the 14 new contestants. Inside the zeppelin, Ella is humming to herself while Sky takes out a piece of gum before turning to Max.]
Sky: Want some gum?
Max: You're offering of simple confectionery will not save you [devious look] from the pure evil of me! [normal look] But yes, thank you. [He takes the gum and chews it before choking and coughing it out. He gasps.] Cinnamon; there is no need for you to be that spicy.
[cuts to Dave]
Dave: [chuckles] That guy's a little [hears Leonard making a noise and waving a stick behind him] weird.
Leonard: "EXPERIAMUS!" I know many spells to ward off evil.
Dave: Oh. Good?
Ella: [places her hand under Dave’s chin] And there's nothing that can't be made sweeter with a song! [she starts to sing and dance like a ballerina away as Beardo begins to beat box]
Beardo: [beat box sounds] Song!
Amy: [disgusted] Switch seats with me, right now! [she and her sister Samey switch seats and suddenly notices Jasmine and is terrified] GIANT!
Jasmine: Are you and I going to have a problem?
Amy: [tugging on Samey's shirt] Switch back, NOW!
[Topher runs passed them; looking for Chris]
Topher: Chris! I don't get it. Chris? [he then runs passed Sugar and Scarlett] Chris has gotta be here someone [looks at Sugar] Anyone seen Chris? You seen Chris? [Sugar grab him and pushes him against the exit door]
Sugar: Stop your fidgeting! You scuff my pageant shoes and I’ll toss you out the window! You’ll be squished flat in 2 minutes.
Scarlett: [correcting Sugar] Actually in the first 14 seconds he would fall 1800ft. Then he would reach terminal velocity and drop 176ft per second. So if we’re flying at the recommended height at 32000ft, he would hit the ground in 3 minutes and 6 seconds.
[Pans over to Rodney and Shawn]
Rodney: Wow, that girl has some real brains, huh?
Shawn: [terrified; covers his head] Brains? Whose brains? No one is getting my brains!
[Chris and Chef arrive at Pahkitew Island and get ready to meet with the new contestants]
Chris: Welcome to Pahkitew Island! On my left, those that had actual parachutes; Scarlett, Topher, Rodney, Jasmine, Max, Amy, and Samey.
Samey: Um, it’s Sammy.
Chris: Amy says that everyone calls you Samey.
Samey: Well yeah but that…
Chris: Because you’re the 2nd twin, the lesser Amy. If you will.
Samey: But my real name is…
Samey: [during her 1st confessional] This is unfair. I auditioned for Total Drama to get away from Amy.
Chris: Your team is called “Pimapotew Kinosewak; Which is the Cree meaning for the “Soaring Eagles”.
[an icon of a soaring eagle appears]
Sky: No sorry, wrong, it means the “Floating Salmon”.
Chris: Oh, then I guess you’re the floating salmon. [an icon of a floating salmon falls and knocks away the soaring eagle icon] Those without shoots; Shawn, Leonard, Ella, Dave, Beardo, Sky, and Sugar. Your team is called “Waneyihtam Maskwak”; which in Cree means “Ferocious Ti-”.
Sky: [interrupts] The “Confused Bears”.
[an icon of a bear with a question mark appears]
Chris: [rips up the note and talks to Chef] That’s what you get for using a free online translator.
Chef: My bad.
Chris: Any who, since there is no place for all to sleep tonight, we figure your first challenge will be to build your own shelters.
[Sugar mumbles and she sits on a rock. Beardo makes a fart noise as Sugar is embarrassed]
Sugar: Oh, that was not me. A lady never farts. Unless it is her natural talent for a pageant and…
Chris: [whistles, interrupts] HEY FART MONSTER! [pans over to a giant pile of junk. Chris is on top.] I WAS TALKING! [everyone walks up to the pile] Each team must take supplies from the common area before they began to build it. But these supplies are guarded by Chef! Armed with a powerful tennis ball blaster. [jumps to the ground] A glancing glow can sting.
[Chef fires a tennis ball and hits Dave in the head]
Dave: Ow! [Sky gasps] That only hurt a little.
Chris: And a direct hit can take you right to the ground. [Chef fires another tennis ball. It hits Max in the stomach; knocking him to the ground holding his stomach in pain.] Will someone help this little boy to his feet? [Topher picks up but he accidentally drops him] Oh good enough. On with the challenge, Team Maskwak will build their shelter further inland; Team Kinosewak, towards the beach. Best shelter according to me wins the challenge. Begin! [blows horns]
Rodney: [during his 1st confessional] On the farm, it's just me, my dad, and my five little brothers. I'm kind of used to being in charge. We'll do it her way. It's never wrong to let love be your guide.
Jasmine: [during her 1st confessional] It's always the big guys; they're intimidated by me; small guys, too, and most girls. I intimidate people.
Shawn: [during his 1st confessional] In my mind, I'm always running from zombies, and if you're not, you're crazy. Anyway, I grabbed some soup. Cream of broccoli? Aw—!
Topher: [during his 1st confessional] I'll bring my face!
Ella: [during her 1st confessional] I was a huge fan of Total Drama World Tour, and just because we don't have to sing anymore doesn't mean we can't sing.
Max: [during his 1st confessional] It was very dark in there. I prefer something less spooky, not to worry, no rush, plenty of time to evil!
[Beardo got eliminated because his unique ability to mimic any sound annoyed his team too much]
Chris: [holds a plate of Marshmallows] You all know this by now. If you get a marshmallow, you are safe. The following players are safe; [throws them to the ones that are safe] Sky, Shawn, Dave, Ella, and Sugar, you are safe. Beardo, you did very little to help your team and tried to convince us that Sugar farted. Leonard, you think you're a wizard, and you convince your team to build something very very stupid.
Chris: Uh, yeah. Okay! And the last marshmallow goes to... [Leonard and Beardo look nervous] Leonard! [throws him the marshmallow]
Leonard: Marvelous!
[Beardo makes Pac-Man dying sound]
Dave: [sighs in relief] Game over.
Chris: Beardo, it's time for you to go home and this seasons mode of transportation is very fitting because Pahkitew is the Cree meaning for “Explosive”. [Looks at Sky] Am I right? [Sky nods] Good, so this seasons mode of transport is sure to go off with a bang. [cuts to him at the Cannon of Shame] Further ado, I give you the cannon pummel of embashment the Kablam of chargin this season's humiliating way home, the Cannon of Shame. [Beardo pops his head out from the cannon] Any last words? [Beardo makes a gun loading sound effect] So long, Beardo. [he's about to push the firing button before Beardo makes an exploding sound effect; annoyed] Enough already! [he fires Beardo out]
Beardo: It was really nice to meet all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Love You, Grease Pig! [6.2]


Amy: [during her first confessional] After I was born, Mommy and I had to wait 17 minutes for Samey to come out. Ugh, can you imagine? If I could have walked, I would have left without her!
[Leonard got eliminated because his constant attempts to use "magic" cost his team the challenge]
Chris: Hey, why so glum? You tried your best And it was horrible. Now, let's see Who you all blame For your collective failure.
Dave: [confessional] Duh!
Sky: [confessional] It's pretty obvious.
Sugar: [confessional] Definitely not the wizard.
Chris: Shawn, Sugar, Dave and Sky, you're safe from elimination, which leaves Ella the songbird and Leonard the wizard. And the irritating oddball going home tonight is...
Leonard: Wobbledy-woo, wobbledy-wee! Don't pick me! Don't pick me! Don't pick me!
Chris: Leonard. Yeah, pack your potions, You're going flying.
Leonard: Me?!
Sugar: [gasps] No!
Leonard: Magic boots and armpit smell, bring forth a time reversal spell! [Chef takes him away]
Chris: Nothing? So weird.
Leonard: Fireball! Lightning bolt! [As he was in the Cannon of Shame] Aww, Nuts!
Jackie: SECURITY! Check this out, Chef! I'm going to show you a magic trick of my own. Watch in amazement as I make this contestant disappear! [blasts Leonard off the cannon]
Sugar: I Love You, wizard!

Twinning Isn't Everything [6.3]


Chris: Did I hear singing, again?
Sugar: Yes! On account of her sing-song, she got us hit with balloons filled with mustard, relish and...some 3rd thing I can't identify.
Ella: If my singing was the cause of that, then I-
Chris: Okay, as long as the singing caused you pain, Ella, I'm happy!
Samey: [Confessional] Whenever I have something Amy wants, she just takes it! Always, always, always! Huh...always...
[Samey was the contestant with the most votes. However, Amy had a reaction to a poisonous apple that Samey gave her, which prevented her from being able to speak. Samey then takes Amy's identity and uses this as a way to stay in the competition. It is because of this that Chris accidentally eliminates Amy under the impression that she is Samey.]
Chris: Alright, players. Those of you holding a marshmallow are safe. For now. [chuckles] Amy, Samey, one of you is going home tonight. Amy, you seem more concerned with bossing Samey around than with helping your team. And Samey, it was your balloon that cost your team this challenge. The sister heading home is...
[Amy chokes]
Samey: Oh, ignore her. She's just trying to get sympathy. Aren't you, Samey?
Amy [cheeks puffed] Wha? Ah! [garbled speech]
Chris: Can't understand what you're saying Samey, and it really doesn't matter. 'Cause, you've been voted off!
[Amy screams in horror]
Samey: Bye, Samey! Have a nice flight!
Chris: I wish I can understand. It sounds really important. [shoots Amy off the island]

I Love You, I Love You Knots [6.4]


Samey: Hey, you're going foraging without me?
Jasmine: Gee, Amy, you've never gone foraging with me before. That was something Samey did, ie: not you.
Samey: Right! I mean...foraging, ew! I'd rather wear those shorts.
Jasmine: There's the Amy I know! Come on, then!
[Rodney got eliminated because he had difficulty telling the truth about his feelings, getting his team electrocuted repeatedly, and ultimately lost the tiebreaker challenge when he taunted Clucky]
Chris: The following Team Kinosewak members are safe: Topher, Jasmine, Max and Amy. Rodney you could be going home because you caused your team to be shocked repeatedly by failing to tell the simple truth. Scarlett, you could be Going home Because, well, 'cause you. Um... Fine! It's Rodney. Eat up!
Rodney: [sighs, the scene dissolves to him in the cannon] I'm not surprised that I'm the one leaving. After playing with people's hearts the way I did?
Chris: If you mean by restarting them several times, then yes.
Rodney: But since I'm leaving, I may as well come clean. Jasmine, Scarlett, Amy, please understand. [inhales] This that you, I, I mean it's... there's love and... and raccoon poop, and "hey". With all the shocking and "bugawk!" Because chicken, I love girl Island! 3! Uh-oh. Yeah!
Chris: Hold that thought! [Rodney blasted off in the air and then, lands in an oncoming battleship, and Chris looks through his binoculars] I think I just saw someone's battleship.

A Blast From the Past [6.5]


Sky: [realizes that Shawn is missing] Um? Where's Shawn?
Shawn: [confessional] I should have woken Jasmine but waking her would have alerted the zombie horde and put us both in danger but mostly me but her to self-preservation comes first. I'm ready, I've trained for this. [cut to him hiding in the woods] You want to fool the dead? You gotta smell the dead. Oh yeah, my brain is working just fine. [splashes a disgusting fish on his head]
Chris: He's probably lost in the woods, you know how this island could get? Go find him, would ya? [he leaves as Chef drives his boat]
Sky: [to Dave] My sister is my role model, meaning that we're close.
Samey: My mom doesn't like Amy.
Shawn: [confessional] Smell like a zombie, move like a zombie. Zombies think you're zombie. My plan, set up a home base behind the waterfall. Search for Jasmine if she's not a zombie I'll ask her on a date.
[Shawn is at the woods acting like a zombie]
Shawn: Zombie Chef!
Chef: [chases Shawn and jumps on him] Where you've been hiding? In the dumpster?
Shawn: Chef! You're you! God! Listen! Zombie apocalypse, here, we can hide behind that waterfall. What? The waterfall, it's gone!
Chef: You must be hallucinating from the stink! [puts Shawn in the truck]
[Shawn returns to the game after Chef found him hiding in the woods]
Chris: [singing] Pretending that didn't happen. [normal voice] Shawn is back and looking crazy!
Sky: Are you out of your-- ugh! What are you doing?
Shawn: Just checking for bites! Got a bite mark? Did you get bit a bit?
Sugar: [sniffs] Ooh! Smells like a skunk's armpit all of a sudden.
Dave: Where have you been?
Shawn: Hiding from the horde. Just like you guys on these docks! Duh! [Dave retches]
Chris: Team Kinosewak is one dueling stick away from a win! Maskwaks! Get Shawn in the game or he's gone!
Shawn: Game? Pfft, this ain't no game, crazy man! It's life or death!
Dave: Shh. Here are the rules, Shawn. You gotta run across, grab a stick, then run back and knock the other team's zombie off the beam.
Shawn: They're here already? I knew it! [confessional] Jasmine's a zombie. I should've helped her. I messed up! But I can't change that now. And, [sniffles] I know what I have to do.
Jasmine: It would win the game for my team right now, but that means Shawn gets eliminated.
[Amy screams and returns to the game after her elimination as a sea monster]
Samey: [gasps] Amy?
Amy: [angrily] Samey!
Chris: Uh, what-y?
Jasmine: Ooh, this is bad.
Dave: [confessional] Well, either Amy is back or Samey never left. No wait, that's not right.
Sky: [confessional] Did Amy just call Samey, Amy? Or was Amy calling Samey... and oh, what was Ella doing touching Dave's arm?
Scarlett: [confessional] Samey's been pretending to be Amy the whole time. I thought we all knew that.
Amy: You'll pay for this, Samey!
Samey: Like the way you always make me pay when we go to the movies?
Amy: You're lucky I let you sit behind me!
Samey: You're lucky I don't tell everyone you still suck your thumb!
Amy and Samey: You're the worst sister ever!
Chris: [through megaphone] Team Maskwak wins!
Amy: Huh?
Sammy: What?
[Sugar, Dave, Ella, and Sky cheer. Then, Amy and Samey scream and both jump in the water together.]
Chris: Nothing like a sentimental family reunion to get me all choked up.
Shawn: [Confessional] I think I've just made a big mistake.
Jasmine: [Confessional] I think I've just made a big mistake!
[Due to Amy's surprise return and their subsequent fighting, Samey ended up losing the challenge for her team. To prevent anymore complications, Chris eliminated both of them.]
Chris: Now, one of you gots to go. [gives marshmallows to Max, Topher and Scarlett] Max, Topher and Scarlett. You’re safe! Jasmine, you had a chance to win it for your team, but, you let your emotions clouded your mind and stopped your intimidating physique from doing it’s job.
Jasmine: [sighs] Let’s get this over with.
Chris: Hopefully, you’ll learn from the mistakes. [Gives her a marshmallow] You’re safe!
All: What?!
Shawn: [watching from the top of a tree] Phew. She’s safe!
Chris: Which means...
Samey: That means Samey as in her, has to go again. Right?
Amy: Ugh. I’m Amy! Who could anyone think that was me. Samey’s a bowl of mush and I’m a parfait which is German for perfect.
Samey: So, what’s German for bossy blonde cow? [Amy tackles her and the sisters fight]
Chris: Sheesh! Which is polite or shut it. I do not care who’s who. Know why? Because, this time, you’re both going into the cannon.
[Amy And Sammy stopped fighting and gasped upon hearing this. Scene dissolves to Amy and Samey in the Cannon of Shame.]
Amy: No.
Samey: Why me?
Amy: Why me?
Samey: I'm the nice one.
Amy: She cheated.
Chris: And to make it fair, maybe Samey should come out first this time! [blasts Amy and Samey off the island] So nice to see family traveling together!

Mo' Monkey, Mo' Problems [6.6]


Jasmine: A swarm of koalas?
Sugar: Cuckoo clock...
Topher: [On Chris' cellphone to the producers] How old is your host Chris McLean, 60 or 65? Really? Guess those were hard years.
Max: Of course it’s mud! What else could it- [finally realized just what else the "mud" could be] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!
Scarlett: [Confessional] The plan was for Max to be the only one not in the trap, so that the team would know he built it and vote him off. Now I need to find a clever way to make him admit it. This won't be easy...
Jasmine: I bet Sky made this trap!
Max: Ha ha! Wrong, fools! It was I! Me!
Scarlett: [Confessional] Much easier than I thought.
[Max had the most votes. However, instead of Max, Chris is eliminating Ella.]
Max: What? Revenge! You shall regret ever having met me, Chris McLean!
Chris: Little late for that.
Max: The pain I will inflict on you will--
Chris: But... Max is not going home tonight.
Max: Huh. Fear got the better of you.
Chris: It has come to my attention that a certain singer has sung her swan song. Sorry, Ella. I received an anonymous note about it. Actually, it was an "ug-nonymous" note. But, whatever. You're going home.
Ella: Aw...
Sugar: [confessional] Yeah. So I spelled "ugnanymous" wrong. Who cares? Ella is G-A-W-N gone!
Ella: So long, everyone. I enjoyed our time together. Don't be sad, Sugar. Be happy.
Sugar: Okay! I'll try! [chuckles]
Ella: At least now, I am free to sing whenever I want. Which is always!
[Ella sings her goodbye song, before she is blasted through a cannon]
Chris: [after Ella is disqualified] And that's enough of that!

This Is The Pits! [6.7]


Chris: Hey, beat it! Ella’s gone, I shot her! [creatures gasp] With a cannon off the island. [creatures leave] Thank you. What are we doing? Oh right! 8 players remain.
Sugar: Them 2 being lovey-dovey only means 1 thing - an alliance! We gotta keep them apart, or else it's game over for one of us.
Shawn: Probably you.
Sugar: Or we could form an alliance of our own.
Shawn: (Confessional) There's no nice way to say this...I'D RATHER BE EATEN BY A ZOMBIE!
Scarlett: [Confessional] As a revenge for pulling my hair, I made my brother's RC toys come to life and scare him every night for 6 years.
[Max and Sky switch teams]
Chris: Now, I have a serious matter To discuss. It's become obvious that a certain couple is well on their way to smooch city. I think we all know who I'm talking about. This kind of lip-locked alliance is unfair To the other team members. It's also kind of awkward. So I've decided to split them up.
Sky: [confesssional] I really like Dave as a friend, but this is for the best, and I know Dave agrees.
Dave: [confessional] Nooooooooo!
Chris: So, without further ado, I'm breaking up. Max and Scarlett.
Scarlett: We? Him? Me? No, but- Oh no, we're not-
Dave: Phew! That was close.
Max: [confessional] Hardly my fault. I have 2 things women love: An evil, evil mind... And a sense of humour.
Sugar: [confessional; crying] Their love was so beau-ti-fuuul!
Chris: Max, join Team Mu-skwuk.
Max: [gets up and leaves] I'd say it's been a pleasure, but we all know the truth: You're inferior.
Chris: Oh. And just so the teams aren't lopsided... Hmm... Sky, you're now on Team Gih-Noh-Say-Wuk.
Sky: Wow. I... Guess I gotta go.
Dave: Hey, this doesn't change anything, we can still-
Max: [comes up to Sky] You're in my seat! Gone with you! [Sky gets up and joins the Kinosewak team]
Dave: [confessional; crying] It's not like we're on different islands. There's still a shot, right?
Sky: I'll miss Dave, but at least now he knows that there's no shot.

Three Zones and a Baby [6.8]


Topher: Chris's mom had apparently sent him a picture of a cat to his phone.
Sugar: Sometime in the past, I lost my brother during a visit to town.
[Topher got voted off because he was tricked into thinking that he would become the new host of the show. However, Chris reveals that it was all a prank, and Topher was instead eliminated from the competition]
Scarlett: What are you so happy about? You know you're going home, right?
Topher: We'll see who goes home.
Chris: Scarlett, Jasmine, Sky, you're safe. And I'm ecstatic to announce that-
Topher: You're eliminated, Chris! Ha!
Chris: Who, me? Whatever do you mean?
Topher: Newsflash! Chris is going home and I'm taking over the show! [everyone gasps] I got the phone call from the producers during the challenge. That's why I cheered and that's why I don't care that we lost because I am now in charge! Ha! Yes!
Chris: Oh, Topher. Sorry to say but, there's been a change of plans. [laughs]
Topher: Huh? You?! No [stutters] it can't- can't be.
Chris: Here's a lesson, when it comes to showbiz, never play a player.[laughs again] I knew he had my phone all along.
Chef: How did you know he was calling the producers?
Chris: It's what I would have done.
Chef: But why the sunglasses and mustache? He couldn't even see you.
Chris: Dude, it's called getting into character.
Topher: [stammers in disbelief at the realization that Chris tricked him]
Chris: [as Topher was in the Cannon of Shame, clueless] You've got a lot to learn, kid! [laughs] Later! [Topher is blasted off in the air] Good riddance! It just goes to show you that with age, comes the wisdom to recognize yourself in someone else and the courage to fire them out of a cannon.

Hurl and Go Seek [6.9]


Chris: Everyone! Grab some chunks!
Chef: [whispers] This stuff expired in 1976!
Sky: [starts getting infuriated] Ugh! You were never my boyfriend and you will never be my boyfriend and you have no shot of beating or dating me! Got it?!
Dave: Please let me be your boyfriend?
Sky: [starts getting infuriated] Ugh! I need you to hear this! No!
Dave: But...
Sky: No more buts! Just no! [starts walking away] Bye, Dave! [Confessional, clutching to her stomach] I think the stress of telling Dave to leave me alone is giving me an ulcer! I'm just gonna double back to my hiding spot and wait it out until sunrise!
Dave: Wait for- [trips and groans] Sky? Sky! [screams in frustration and throws a shoe] Great! Well I don't need you either! I'm a lone wolf! [howls like a wolf until he coughs, followed by a pack of wolves howling offscreen]
Chris: Looks like Dave has lost more than his shoe! Who will successfully hide, and who'll take the cannon ride? Find out when we come back to Total Drama Pahkitew Island! [wolves howling]
[Shawn was able to rescue Jasmine, not refusing to make the same mistake again]
Shawn: [swings in] Jasmine! I'm coming to save you!
[Due to Dave getting rejected by Sky, he eliminated himself from the competition.]
Chris: Sugar and Jasmine won their immunity, and after the voting, Scarlett, Max, and Shawn are safe. That leaves Dave and Sky.
Sky: [gasps] [in confessional] Me? Why me?
Chris: Don't look so shocked, Sky. The way you talked to Dave after the pre-challenge was pretty much like watching someone who fought kicked in the nards.
Sugar: Exactly like.
Chris: Sugar, please stop talking forever! Now, Dave.
Dave: [confessional] If I have no chance with Sky, I don't want to be here. I can't ban to get myself voted into the cannon. I even made buttons!
Chris: Dave, Dave, Dave. I love the button. It was close, pal. And it would have been Sky if you hadn't voted for yourself! Dave, you're going into the cannon!
Jasmine: Thanks for saving me. I was wrong about you. You're a good guy! [prepares to kiss, but Shawn backs away thinking she was trying to bite him]
Shawn: Don't bite me! [Jasmine kisses Shawn on the cheek] Oh. [chuckles] Okay.
Chris: Any final words he'd ask, as if, there might be 1 last desperate attempt to capture love.
Dave: Sky! If you don't win and feel like getting in touch. [notices that Sky isn't here to bid him farewell] Fire.
[Chris activates the Cannon and Dave got blasted off the island]
Sky: Dave! Wait, I... [sighs as she was too late]
Chris: Well, Dave is gone, and it might seem wrong! [it pans to the panel-exposed tree, which starts shorting out from Max's vomit and catches fire] But, it is what it... is? [gets increasingly dumbstruck as the island seems to go haywire, with the campfire set suddenly switching designs and random chaotic weather events, including snow and a sudden tornado, go on around him] Who's next to... to... to...... cannon? Um, yeah! [as he does his typical signoff, the chaos is revealed to indeed be going on across the entire island, with entire sections suddenly transforming into different looks out of nowhere; it gets to the point that even the background music starts to distort to hammer in something bizarre is happening] Here on Total... Drama... Pahkit- WHAT THE FREAK IS GOING ON?!

Scarlett Fever [6.10]


Chris: For your next challenge, one of you has to shut down the self-destruct, which is located in this underground control room! There are three ways to get there, so you'll split into three teams of two. The team that stops the countdown wins immunity.
Scarlett: [gasps] Uh, can I see that? [takes the tablet from him]
Chris: Sure.
Scarlett: [confessional] The fool. He just handed me the key to the island! It's all mine! [laughs evilly]
Sky: [confessional] This is crazy. I'm kinda freaking out. I wish Dave were here 'cause he always made me feel— [gasps] Pull it together. Being doughy-eyed for Dave almost got you eliminated. Huh. But then he eliminated himself. Did he do that to save me? Ugh, focus! I'm really losing it here.
Jasmine: [confessional] Shawn's great. We have everything in common. Except the zombie thing, which could be a deal-breaker. But once he gets over it, he'll be perfect.
Shawn: Yeah, Jasmine rules. Once she develops a healthy fear of the undead, she'll be perfect!
[Scarlett reveals her true evil nature]
Computer Voice: Welcome, Chris McLean!
Scarlett: The Island is mine! MINE!
Max: Enough, nonsense sidekick! Step away!
Scarlett: I... am.... NOT... YOUR.... [Removes her glasses and her hair sticks out] SIDEKICK!
Max: [Surprised by Scarlett's appearance] Scarlett! You look different.
Scarlett: [Grabs Max by the collar] This is the real me- the Scarlett I’ve kept hidden until now, bidding my time, waiting to strike. I... am.... EVIL! [manically laughing]
[Scene cuts to the confessional, where Max, showing just what his "evil" limits are, is seen scared enough to start sucking his thumb like a baby]
Sugar: I was surrounded by robot copies of Chris which reminds me of the time when my uncle built a robot army of his own by putting pictures of his face on donkeys wrapped in tin foil.
[cuts to Shawn in the confessional]
Shawn: [genuinely amazed] This is hard to admit, but I really wanna meet Sugar's family.
Jasmine: [as the Chris promo-bots came marching their way] It's like an army of zombies!
Shawn: Z-Zombies! [jumps up and demolished the Chris promo-bots, one by one] Headshot! Headshot! Headshot!
Chris: Guys! Before you all die, I just wanna say… [notices Scarlett all tied up] Oh, Whoa! You took down Scarlett! Nice! Way better than dying! Am I right?
Jasmine: Yeah! No thanks to you!
Max: We're just lucky these robots are cursed with your ugly mug or we... [gets electrocuted and the Chris promo-bot head smashes the computer]
Chris: Not the computer!
Computer Voice: Island sector A, combustion initiated. Island sector B, Chryo-activation completed.
Chris: Great.
[Chris disqualifies Scarlett for attempting to blow up the island in exchange for the million dollar prize and Max for being evil]
Chris: [At the elimination ceremony, where Scarlett is in the Cannon of Shame] I know I normally hand these out to those who are not eliminated. But, today, I feel a special ceremony is called for. You are so eliminated! [Throws marshmallows at Scarlett] You're more eliminated than anyone's ever been eliminated. Even that beatbox guy. The whole island's a freak show!
Max: Yes, away with her! It's a shabby sidekick that tries to usurp her master. I am the only true evil on this island. And soon it will be mine! [laughs evilly]
Chris: [irritated] Yeah, I'm done with evil for now.
Max: [laughs until Chef grabs him, gasps] Inconceivable!
[Scene dissolves to Max in the Cannon of Shame with Scarlett]
Scarlett: No! Please! Don't send me away with him. Anyone but- WOAH!!!!
Max: [Homer Scream]
Chris: [blasts them both off the island] Well, we almost tested The Big Bang Theory.

Sky Fall [6.11]


Sugar: Nuh-uh. Sugar ain't going out like this. I got dreams to make real! [confessional] My plan for the money may seem real normal, but I wanna go to college. To study veteranarian medicine with a minor in cosmetology and then get a job! Putting makeup on famous animals. [outside] I may not be able to put lipstick on these bears right now. But someday, someone, somewhere, watching some movie will say, "You know who put the makeup on that monkey?" Sugar did!
Sky: What?
Sugar: I can get us out of this, but it ain't gonna be pretty. Can you handle it?
Sky: Um...
Sugar: I said can you handle it?!
Sky: [confessional] I have no idea what Sugar is about to do, but I am 147% sure I can't handle it.
Sugar: My uncle Elliot does that.
Sky: I hope me and Sugar's moms don't meet each other.
Shawn: My uncle owns a tanning salon, Bernie's Tanning Salon.
[Jasmine got eliminated because Sugar pushed a tree on her, making her to come in last in the challenge and be automatically eliminated.]
Chris: Fire in the hole! [Blasts Jasmine off the island]
Sugar: Better take cover! The bus is about to move! [farts on everyone]

Pahk'd with Talent [6.12]


Sugar: I wish that my mom was there to give me the awesome pep talk she gives me before every pageant: however, it seems that talk is just yelling at me to hurry up and get dressed.
Sugar: I climb to the top of the tree during Shawn's challenge because my grandma says "in a battle, you always take the high ground".
[Sugar becomes the last contestant to be eliminated because her talent in the challenge failed to impress the judges.]
Chris: Wow! I don't know what to say. Oh. Wait, yes I do! [scene dissolves to Sugar crying in the Cannon of Shame, wearing a tiara and holding a bouquet of flowers] That was horrible! Any final words?
Sugar: I personally believe that competition shouldn't be based on points, instead on your general awesomeness. Which means I should not be in this cannon! [gets blasted off the island] I'M COMING, WIZARD!

Lies, Cries and One Big Prize [6.13]


[Sky and Shawn became the finalists]
Sky: [in bed] Ugh, sleep. Come on, sleep. [confessional] What is going on? I've never had trouble sleeping before a big competition. The only difference this time is that I can win a million dollars. Yeah, it's probably the money. I bet Shawn's having the same problem.
[Shawn is sleeping on a tree's branch and he fell upside down]
Shawn: [confessional] Huh? Whoa? Wha? Hoo! Training myself to sleep with my eyes open. I read that you still take in info and alert your brain to wake you up if there's danger. That'd come in pretty handy during a nighttime zombie attack, or if you fall asleep riding your bike. [falls down the tree] Totally works!
Sky: [confessional] My boyfriend was in the room when I made that audition tape. I had to say that. Truth is, I was going to dump him before I left but ran out of time, and… I really like Dave. Ugh… I messed this up big time.
Chris: [confessional; mockingly] I am so like, confused about what is going on with Dave and Sky, I mean, like, did you, like, hear that? Like? [laughs]
Dave: [confessional] This, is, so much fun!
Jasmine: [confessional] I don't want Shawn to win, obviously, but I don't wanna see him hurt either. Well, not badly.
[Shawn's ending in the US]
Jasmine: Shawn!
Shawn: I got this for you. I hope we could still- [gasps] Did I?
Jasmine: You won!
Shawn: No! We won! If you're still okay with splitting the money, then- [he and Jasmine kiss].
[Sky's ending]
Sky: Did I? Yes! I won! I won!
Jasmine: Shawn! [picks him up]
Shawn: You're not mad at me anymore?
Jasmine: I'm very mad at you. [she and Shawn kiss]
[Jasmine, Shawn and Sky are in a helicopter with Chris]
Chris: That's it for this very very off season! This is Chris McLean saying, if you can't stand the pain, stay off the Total Drama: Pahkitew Island! Um, did we forget something!
[Dave is sitting down on the log]
Dave: [throws the remote on the floor] At least things can only go up from here. [sighs as Scuba Bear appears] Of course.

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